


mentos for valentines day

by hanjisgirlfriend



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, First Date, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Jock Reiner Braun, Minor Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Minor Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Modern Era, Past Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Principal Erwin Smith, Sharing Clothes, Stoner Connie Springer, Stoner Sasha, connie is the best friend anyone could ask for, eren is really nice, goth mikasa ig, hitch dreyse/annie leonhart - Freeform, jean is so sweet it broke me, jean likes mikasa, kenny is an inanimate object, kind of, mikasa is gay tho, mikasasha on valentines day, nobody will die i promise, sasha has a mom lmao, sashas mom is a certified milf, they're super cute, why do these tags look so tacky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjisgirlfriend/pseuds/hanjisgirlfriend
Summary: High school senior Sasha Braus has a lot of shit to figure out in her life. Mikasa Ackerman further complicates this dilemma on Valentine's day.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Sasha Blouse, Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse
Comments: 56
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy this was for a day of mikasasha week. im excited to continue this work :)

Yes, Sasha had stolen the chocolate that Armin had given Connie (he had, naturally, brought a small box for all of his friends). Yes, Sasha had eaten all of it, plus the chocolate from Bertholdt Hoover that Annie Leonhart had auctioned off.

Yes, she was still hungry.

She sat at the lunch table, her posture as awful as it always was, head on the grimy metal, tracing the graffiti that previous students had etched. Valentine’s day had never been a big day for her. The only time she vaguely remembered celebrating it was back in first grade, when a nice boy in her class had given her half of his lunch. Niccolo had been kind, and his lunch, a sandwich and peanut butter cookies, had been delicious, yet Sasha was never smitten by his efforts. Now that she thought about it, no boy had ever won her heart. Not even Connie, who knew everything about her, from her likes and dislikes to the brand of underwear she had recently switched to. Perhaps she should _stop_ disclosing things like that in their conversations.

“Hey, Sash.” Jean slid onto the seat next to her, pushing his light hair back lazily, fiddling with a few red cards in his hands. “What're you doing?”

Sasha dragged her eyes up to look at her best friend, his words ringing in her ears. Was there chocolate on her face? She rubbed at her mouth with her sleeve.

Jean peered at her, taking in the sight of the lanky girl in an enormous black hoodie and baggy basketball shorts that she’d stolen from Connie.

“Don’t tell me…”

Sasha snapped her head up. “No--”

“Sasha!” Jean groaned. “You _know_ we have a physics test next period. And you _know_ the last time you were high during a test you got _two problems_ correct. Out of _twenty.”_

Sasha dropped her head back down. “Just gimme your mentos.”

“I don’t have any. You ate them all last night.”

“What was last night?” she asked, voice muffled.

“You helped me write these cards for today.” Jean held up the red cards, displaying their fancy calligraphy. Sasha peered at them.

“For Mikasa?” she snorted. “Good one, man. Like she would go out with you.”

Jean frowned. “Hey, that’s not what you guys said before. I thought I had a chance! With Eren dating Armin and everything…”

“Sure, sure. But I mean, have you _seen--”_

The bell interrupted Sasha, scaring her half to death, and she almost toppled off the bench. Jean grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet.

“C’mon. Off to physics we go. I’ll buy you mentos on the way.”

* * *

  
If there was a cooking class at her high school, Sasha would be teaching it in no time. Physics was different. She’d gotten through one and a half problems, and was now doodling a sketch of the teacher, shading in hearts around Ms. Hange’s face without really noticing it.

“Look, I’m flattered, I am. However, Miss Braus, I do expect you to at least try.” Her teacher was kneeling next to her desk, glasses pushed up on her forehead. “Tell you what. If you can pass this test, I’ll ask the school board to add a new soda to the vending machine.”

Sasha widened her eyes and sat up a little straighter. “Yes, ma’am.”

“And next time try to lay off the grass until _after_ school.” Ms. Hange winked and continued to circle the classroom.

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Sasha stammered, ears red. She returned her gaze to the dreaded papers on her desk and nibbled on her pencil. It was still hard to focus. Plus, Jean had never bought her mentos; there had been none left in the machine.

When she had four problems left, the door to the classroom banged open.

All eyes turned to the person responsible for the disruption. Sasha saw Jean’s shoulders tense up and stifled a laugh. He was such a sucker.

The girl sauntering down the aisle to her seat in the front of the class was none other than Mikasa Ackerman. Her dark hair was a mess, her eyes smudged with black makeup, and there was lipstick smeared across her mouth. She wore a long black skirt with fishnet leggings, a loose black button up to match. The silver rings that decked out her fingers flashed when she accepted the test papers from Ms. Hange.

Sasha slyly turned to face Jean. _See?_ She mouthed. _You have no chance, she’s totally a--_

“Braus.”

A harsh whisper cut Sasha off. Mikasa was glaring at her, black boots kicked up on her desk, which sat in front of Sasha’s.

“Gimme the answers,” Mikasa said quietly, stormy eyes tracking Hange as she made her rounds in the back of the classroom. Sasha scoffed and chewed on the drawstrings of her hoodie.  
“Hell no! I’m barely passing this shitload.”

“Come _on_. Just this once.” Mikasa’s tone was dangerous now, and Sasha knew her supposed reputation.

Sasha sighed. Maybe it was because it was Valentine’s day, and she’d eaten too much sugar. Maybe it was because the weed brownies that Connie had tricked her into eating that morning hadn’t worn off completely. Or maybe it was because the mess of the girl in front of her was so damn pretty.

She quickly slid her paper across the desk and allowed Mikasa to jot down the answers, anxiously bouncing her knee and accidentally hitting the desk. “Hurry up!”

“Oh, fuck off, would you?” Mikasa scribbled the last answer with a flourish and calmly faced forward again.

“You’re welcome,” Sasha grumbled, and pretended to focus again once Hange passed by them.

* * *

  
“I failed. I definitely failed.” Sasha flopped over on her desk as Jean paced in front of her, muttering some kind of nonsense.

“I thought you were expecting that,” he said after a moment. “Okay, should I give these to her or not?”

“And I actually studied too! If only Connie hadn’t given me those damn brownies. He knows I don’t mind if they have some extra shit in them, but I thought since it was Valentines day, they were just normal fucking fudge brownies!”

“Worst case scenario, she slaps me. Or, no, worst case scenario, I throw up.” Jean cursed. “Why the hell would I throw up?”

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“Screw it, I’m just gonna give them to her!”

Sasha finally tuned in to the shit Jean was rambling on about. He looked at her too, equally confused.

“Huh?” Sasha said. “Oh, the valentines for Mikasa? Or valentines for Connie?”

“For me?! Guys, you didn’t have to!” Connie had waltzed into the room. “Hey, where’s Hange?”

“She had a meeting. I’m waiting for this piece of shit to move from her desk.” Jean pointed at Sasha, who was now sprinting full-speed at Connie.

“You fucker!” she yelled, grabbing him by the collar. “Next time you make your fucking brownies _special_ , warn a woman!”

Connie closed his eyes and threw his hands in the air. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just had extra from last night, it was just a gift for you!”

Sasha pretended to faint into his chest and cry dramatically. “If I flunk this class, it’s your ass on the line.”

Connie gently patted your head. “Understood. Yo, Jean, you gonna give those love letters to your girl or what?”

“She’s not _his girl,”_ Sasha corrected, surprising herself. The two boys shot her quizzical looks before continuing their conversation.

“I don’t know man, I’m really nervous.”

“You should be. She’s hot as fuck.” Sasha slapped her hand over her mouth and sank back into her seat. _It’s the weed talking it’s the weed talking it’s the weed talking._ The boys ignored her again.

“I heard she actually showed up to class today,” Connie said, punching Jean’s shoulder. “What happened, my guy? You back out?”

Sasha opened her mouth, then closed it. She remembered how Mikasa’s lipstick had been all fucked up when she walked into class, and it made her get a funny feeling in her stomach. Perhaps the scary goddess had a partner of some kind.

“Shit, black lipstick is hot, though.”

Connie and Jean, who had been discussing how Jean could recite a poem instead of gifting Mikasa cards, both turned to look at her.

“What?” Connie said. “Sash, are you _okay?”_

Sasha shook her head and started out of the classroom. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just gonna go check on something real quick.”

She needed to find Mikasa and confirm that she wasn’t taken by some lucky bastard. For Jean, obviously. Right.

As soon as she bolted down the hall, past the makeout spot of Ymir and Historia and past the shrine of origami she and Connie took great pride in, she smacked right into a heavenly-smelling figure.

“Are you god?” she asked, rubbing her head, and opened her eyes to see familiar silver rings on top of her hands.

“Sorry,” Mikasa muttered, helping Sasha stand still.

Of course she would have the best perfume Sasha had ever breathed in. Some sort of vanilla and orange.

“Oh, it’s you,” Sasha said, and peered down the hall to see if Jean had followed. “Yo, do you think--”

Mikasa cut her off. “Listen, I’ve been watching him shuffle those damn cards all day. Honestly, he’s a nice guy. But, frankly, I’m not much into guys at all.”

Sasha carefully calculated her response in her head, very aware that if she said something embarrassing now, her life would be ruined as she knew it. And, seriously, was there chocolate on her face? She wiped at her mouth as she answered.

“Same.”

Uh. What the fuck?

Sasha nearly reeled over with humiliation, wondering why on earth her mind had decided to determine her sexuality at this moment, and on top of that, be vocal about it.

“Oh shit. That’s cool.” Mikasa’s eyebrow had perked up slightly, the most emotion she had ever shown around Sasha.

“Yeah, I guess,” Sasha replied, as calmly as she could. “Do you think you could at least take those cards from him though? Maybe let him down easy. He really likes you.”

Mikasa shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to him. If he ever even approaches me. What is _with_ people and being afraid of me?”

Sasha, who had been inching away from the girl, stopped. “Uh. No idea. By the way, your lipstick is kind of really smudged.”

Mikasa frowned and brought a hand to her mouth, surprised. “Shit. Where? Fuck, I must have wiped it with my wrist or something.”

“You mean you weren’t making out with someone?” Sasha joked, but Mikasa scowled harder.

“And what is it with me being pinned as the school slut?” she spat. “What’s that about? Don’t just stand there, where the hell is my lipstick smudged?”

“Sorry!” Sasha stepped closer to her and bunched up her sleeve. “Do you mind?”

Mikasa shook her head, and Sasha delicately brushed at her lips to rid the stain. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she stood back and checked her work.

“Is it better?” Mikasa said, crossing her arms. Sasha nodded.

“I think the rumors about you are stupid,” she blurted.

Mikasa laughed.

“And I think you’re really cool and you’re not a slut like those dipshits say and your outfits are super pretty.” Sasha felt her ears going red again. “Just the word slut is horrible. Shit, I keep saying it…”

“Alright, alright,” Mikasa said, a faint smile on her lips. “You’re not half bad yourself, Miss drug addict-- I mean, Sasha.”

Sasha gave her an evil grin. “You’re dirty.”

They walked side by side down the hall.

“So, you dating that Connie guy?” Mikasa ventured casually. Sasha snorted.

“Absolutely not. He’s practically my baby brother.”

“Really? I thought you would be the baby in the relationship.”

“Then you trust a baby enough to copy her test answers? Interesting.”

“Fuck off. I had a bad day.”

“You’re _welcome.”_ Sasha bumped into her shoulder on purpose and noticed with a smug glance that she was a few inches taller than Mikasa, raven ponytails barely reaching her eye level.

“Well… thanks,” Mikasa grumbled. “What do I owe you?”

“The promise that you won’t beat me up.”

“The hell? What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Oh… uh, I don’t know, I thought that was your thing? Didn’t you beat that Floch dude up so badly that his nose was broken?” Sasha fiddled her hands nervously, afraid that she’d pissed off the other girl. She laughed.

“Right,” she said bitterly. “I suppose that’s what you get when you try to feel me up underneath my fucking skirt.”

Sasha gaped at the girl and grabbed her hand. “Jesus fucking christ! I’m so sorry. God, I’m stupid.”

Mikasa avoided her gaze but didn’t let go of her hand. “Whatever. It’s fine.”

Sasha squeezed her hand a little before dropping it and strolling over to the vending machine at the end of the hallway. “Yo, they restocked the mentos!”

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “You’re so weird.”

“Says the girl who dated Annie Leonhart,” Sasha retorted, a complete shot in the dark, but she swore she noticed something between the two in sophomore year. Mikasa went crimson red and slapped Sasha’s arm.

“How the _fuck_ do you know about that?” she hissed angrily. Sasha chuckled.

“My intuition told me. Apparently I was right all along.” She glanced at the sputtering girl next to her and added, “No judgement, actually. She’s super hot.”

“No shit,” Mikasa huffed.

“Almost as hot as you.”

Mikasa stared at her.

Oh, come _on._ Sasha wanted to rip her hair out. Why the hell did she keep saying this shit? _Jean_ liked Mikasa, not her.

“Right.” Mikasa dug in her pocket and pushed some quarters into the vending machine. “Again, you’re not so bad yourself.”

Sasha watched the girl's dark eyes as she reached into the machine’s slot and grabbed whatever she’d bought, popping one of the candies into her mouth. This was not who she had expected to spend Valentine’s day with, however, she didn’t mind. She was enjoying it.

Unfortunately, she remembered all too quickly that it was supposed to be Jean standing in her place. She bit her lip and looked down the hall behind them. “Did you see Jean or Connie while we were walking?”

“Nah. Oh, I’ve gotta reject him, right?” Mikasa leaned against the vending machine, balancing a mento on her tongue.

Sasha thought she heard Connie’s laughter echo from a classroom. “Yeah…” She snapped her head back towards Mikasa, feeling betrayed. _“You bought mentos?!”_

Mikasa smirked and held the mint between her teeth. “Mhmm. You want one? Consider it a gift for giving me the test answers.”

“Uh, _yeah.”_ Sasha grabbed for the pack in Mikasa’s right hand, and Mikasa held it out of her reach.

“Dude, what the--” Sasha stopped abruptly.

She stopped, because Mikasa had yanked her close and pressed their mouths together, working her soft lips against Sasha’s and gliding her tongue along her teeth. Sasha didn’t complain, and, though she barely had time to react, accepted the sloppy kiss, tilting her head to deepen it. She felt Mikasa smile against her, and noticed her knees go weak when the other girl used her tongue to push the mento into Sasha’s mouth.

“There.” Mikasa pulled away, lipstick re-smeared, a devious grin on her face. She tossed the pack of mints at Sasha’s chest, revealing a pen and clicking it with a flourish.

“I…” Sasha was still formulating words in her head, the minty sweetness of the candy in her mouth spreading on her tongue. Mikasa laughed softly, busy writing a message on the candy in Sasha’s freezing hands.

“Happy Valentine’s day, babe,” Mikasa said, and winked, ambling away to the school’s main entrance.

“What the hell?” Sasha managed, stumbling in the other girl’s direction, lips tingling. “Happy Valentine’s day to _you,_ you fucker!”

“Call me,” Mikasa said, slipping out the door.

“I can pay you for the… !” Sasha started, but Mikasa had dashed away. She stood there, swaying slightly. “Mentos.”

She looked down and saw Mikasa’s number hastily scrawled on the packet of candy, along with a few doodled hearts.

“Uh, Sash?”

Sasha whipped around, blushing, stuffing the mentos into her pocket. Connie and Jean were eyeing her curiously.

“Huh? Nothing. I don’t know.”

Jean looked around uneasily. “Did you see Mikasa? Connie finally threatened to post my freshman water polo pictures if I didn’t give these to her.”

Sasha pointed a shaky finger out the door. “Yeah, uh, she went that way. She should wait up for you.”

Jean smiled happily. “Great! Connie, be my wingman.”

“Fine,” Connie groaned, dragging his feet behind Jean.

Sasha thumped Jean on his backpack. “Go get ’em, tiger.”

She shot Connie a worried look before they passed her, and he nodded as if to assure her that he had a plan if and when the rejection occurred.

“It’s all good,” he whispered.

“Good luck,” she said half-heartedly, but Connie slowed his walk, a knowing grin spreading on his face.

“Got any makeup wipes?”

Sasha swallowed, gnawing on the mento. “What?”

“You’ve got black lipstick on your chin,” he sang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, like does anyone reading wear black lipstick a ha ha


	2. Principal Eyebrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha's wavering emotions and Jean's old, lengthy crush seriously fuck with the relationship she wishes to have with Mikasa.

Jean didn’t cry. At least, not in front of Sasha, though Connie had later confided in her that he had gotten uncharacteristically quiet when they walked home. Sasha didn’t blame him. Rejection sucked. She’d kissed Connie when they were little and had gotten a faceful of dirt as a response. 

Sasha was bullshitting, of course, because this rejection was different. Jean had gotten turned down by Mikasa. Mikasa, who had kissed Sasha.

Sasha couldn’t help but think that Mikasa had turned down Jean for Sasha.

_“You’re serious?”_

Connie gaped at her when she told him this, eyes wide. He ran a hand over his shaved head and seemed to be trying to form a sentence.

“Yeah, baldy, I’m serious.”

“I thought it was just a kiss! Like, you know, because of Valentine’s day and all.” His eyes searched Sasha’s judgemental face. “Honest…” 

He trailed off when Sasha flopped down on his bed and grinned at the ceiling. 

“I didn’t think about that,” she said. And the more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed. Her smile turned to a slight frown. 

“It seems like something she would do,” Connie reasoned quietly. Sasha scowled.

“Sure, but listen, I talked to her for, what, ten minutes? Like, seven rumors about her were proved wrong in that one conversation. Plus, Jean’s a handsome dude. He’s charming, right? Any straight girl would be thrilled to go out with him.”

“I guess. I’m not sure how he’ll react to this, though. He’s been pining over Mikasa since junior year. Will you tell him about this?”

Connie turned around when Sasha didn’t answer. She’d rolled onto her side, grinning again. 

“Sash!”

“Hm?”

“You should tell Jean.”

Sasha groaned and threw a pillow at her best friend. “Why? It’s not my fault she kissed me.” 

“True, but he’s so dense that he probably doesn’t know she’s gay.”

“Just text him or something.”

“Nope.”

_“Dick!”_

“Come on, Sash. Tell him it was one kiss and that’s it and you’re sorry.” He frowned. “I mean, no, you don’t have to say you’re sorry because you didn’t do anything. Say the first part, though.” He sat down next to Sasha and flicked her knee. “Okay?”

She hesitated. “Okay… I mean…”

Connie inhaled sharply. 

“Don’t tell me you’re falling for this girl…”

Sasha didn’t meet his gaze. She grabbed his other pillow and buried her face in it. It smelled like his shampoo.

“Sash, _no.”_

“Sasha, _yes.”_

“So now you’re talking in third person? Any other side effects of liking Mikasa Ackerman that I should know about?” Connie gently rolled Sasha over so she would look at him.

“Okay, what’s so bad about her? She’s the one who kissed _me._ I feel like that’s a pretty good sign that I have a chance,” she said, hugging the pillow to her chest and dangling her feet off the bed. Connie rubbed at her head to annoy her.

“I just don’t want you to get your heart broken,” he responded when she slapped his hand away. “Because I am a loving, kind, amazing, best friend.”

“Modest, too.”

“Obviously.”

“Mmmhmm.”

Connie glared at her. “Call him.”

“No way!”

“Sasha!”

“Don’t act like you’re my mom.”

“If you don’t call him, tell him tomorrow.”

Sasha groaned. “Fine.”

“Promise?”

“Whatever.”

* * *

It was near midnight when Sasha finally returned home and lay back on her own bed. Who knew Valentine’s day would be so eventful? Even Connie had received a secret admirer note. Jean had, too, of course. In fact, a girl had even confessed to him during fifth period, according to Armin’s gossip Instagram account that only Sasha and, which she noticed painfully, _Mikasa_ were allowed to follow.

Mikasa. Mikasa, Mikasa. Her goddamn name made Sasha’s stomach hurt.

The whole gay thing really threw a wrench in Sasha’s life plan. She wasn’t surprised at all-- countless guys had tried to ask her out in the past year, and she’d tried dates with a few, but she just never felt it. The thing was, she had never considered that she would like _anyone._ No guys, not her physics teacher, and definitely not Mikasa. She’d had a few crushes. Nothing serious. Not liking anyone allowed her time for studies and focusing on college, and _going_ to college. Sasha had submitted all of her applications to the art schools she was eyeing, and was now waiting for their responses. Painful, one-sided love would compromise that.

“Why am I even thinking about this?” Sasha groaned, then looked at the mess of cans and snack wrappers that was her room and nodded. “Right. Because I’m sober.”

“Who’s sober?” Sasha’s mom knocked softly on her door, tossing a few articles of clothing at her chest.

“Me,” Sasha replied glumly.

“Good. I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.”

“Damn, what happened yesterday that was so great?” Sasha scratched her head as her mom leaned in the doorway.

“All I heard was some snippets of your rant. I think you run a Tumblr account now. Is that good news?”

“That’s the _best_ news.” Sasha tossed her socks into her laundry basket. Her mom smiled at her. 

“Aw, hon, I’m gonna miss you next year.”

“Don’t go soft on me, Mom. It’s not like I’m going across the country. Just a few states.”

Her mom ruffled her hair. “I know. I can’t monitor you all the way over there, though. I guess I won’t have to worry because Connie’s not gonna follow you…” 

“Listen. I think I’m pretty much done with this shit.”

“What? Weed or life?” her mom teased, casually sneaking looks at all of Sasha’s usual hiding places. “I do want you to lay off the weed, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

“Yeah.” Sasha fiddled with her phone case, watching her mom rummage around her desk. “Yeah, that’s what I’m going for. Today was ass. Connie snuck me an edible before ten in the fucking morning.”

“No!” her mom gasped. “That little shit. I’ll get him for you. Does this bode unwell for your physics test?”

“Yes…” 

“Christ. If only your father was still around, he could put his math skills to use. If you ever need assistance with writing, come to me. It was your father who was the numerical genius.”

Sasha and her mother smiled at each other, remembering how he used to help second grade Sasha with her adding and subtracting at the kitchen table before he’d passed. A short and sweet memory, yet it crossed her mind often.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “You know what, I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Alright. I gotta leave early tomorrow. I’ll leave out some breakfast for you?” Her mom lingered in the hallway. 

“Sure, thanks.”

Yes. Sasha and her best friend were known as the ‘stoners’ in her school. Frankly, she was getting sick of it. At most, they got high three times a week. Fucking _Jean_ usually got high more frequently than her, and _he_ was still known for other qualities. It was probably because of the one occasion when Sasha had bought the entire vending machine and eaten it by herself. Vending machine this, weed that. She just wanted to be good at something. So _badly._ She wanted to be worthy of being admired, she wanted to impress people. 

She wanted to impress girls. She wanted to impress Mikasa.

“Fuck,” she said into her shoulder. “You’re seventeen. Think about normal shit. College shit, for fuck’s sake.”

Talk of college only made her wonder about Mikasa’s college choices, if she was even going to college. 

“No no. Sleep. Sleeeeep.” Sasha threw a beanie at her light switch and snuggled into her blankets. 

The taste of mentos lingered on her tongue.

* * *

“Hellooo, Sasha…” 

Sasha jerked awake to feel a pencil prodding her cheek. She yawned and lifted her head to find a pair of brown eyes studying her probably drooling face.

“Huh? Marco, the fuck…” She rubbed her eyes and tuned into the lecture that she was supposed to be taking notes on. “I was dreaming, too.”

Marco gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. She was glancing at you, though.”

Sasha gazed drowsily at Ms. Brzenska, who was telling the class about the key themes they should take away from some book they were reading. Sasha actually did read the book, and remembered enjoying it. She simply could not focus at the moment.

Obviously, she hadn’t slept well. This was her first period, english, when she usually made up for a poor night’s sleep, only because it was the one class she could neglect and still do well in.

She was about to return to her nap when she heard Ms. Brzenska ask a question and receive an answer from a familiar voice.

Suddenly, Sasha was wide awake. 

Since when was Mikasa in her english class?

She hung around the door after class, stalling for as long as she could before she needed to run to her spanish class. Mikasa didn’t leave the room.

“Yo…” Sasha poked her head back into the classroom. Ms. Brzenska smiled at her, confused.

“Yes, Miss Braus?”

Sasha looked around the empty desks and cursed. “Sneaky bastard. She slipped out the back door.”

“Hm?”

“Nothing. See you tomorrow.”

* * *

Sasha spent her second class wondering how the goth-like badass that had initiated their brief makeout session was now avoiding _her_. A small insistent tug in her stomach told her that this was not a good sign. Maybe Connie had been right. Maybe Mikasa wasn’t worth it. Furthermore, it was unlikely that Jean would be happy if they ever got together.

She didn’t want to believe Connie, nor did she want to think about not pursuing some sort of relationship with the girl. By the time the bell rang, she’d nearly torn her folder to pieces from the agony of making up scenarios of how her day could go.

At lunchtime, Mikasa was still mysteriously nowhere to be found, not at her usual table with Armin and not at the other table with Annie that she frequented, however, today Annie’s old friends took up that extra space, which was slightly unusual.

“Do you think it’s weird?” she asked Connie when they sat down at their own table with their lunches.

“I think it’s weird that you haven’t given me that extra cupcake,” he said, grabbing for the wrapped-up cake in Sasha’s hand, and earning a threatening glare. “What, the Mikasa situation? I think she’s embarrassed to see you. I don’t know. Can I _please_ have the cupcake?”

“No.” Sasha handed it to him. “Why would she be embarrassed?”

“I don’t know,” Connie said, mouth full, a smidge of frosting on his nose. “Maybe she totally went overboard. Like, she liked you, but it was her swaggy alter-ego Mikasa self that made out with you.”

“Who made out with you?!”

Sasha went completely red and smacked Connie’s back as he choked on the cupcake. He clung to her shoulder for dear life, coughing as Jean plopped down across from them.

“Say something, Helen Keller,” Connie hissed in Sasha’s ear, earning an especially hard thump on his back.

“No one,” she said quickly. “Only joking. Who would wanna make out with me?” 

Jean huffed and took a bite of his sandwich. “Five-year-old Connie?”

“True.” Sasha narrowed her eyes at Connie as a warning to keep swaggy alter-ego Mikasa a secret. “Any luck yesterday?”

“Nah.” Jean frowned at the two across from him. “Didn’t Connie tell you? Aren’t you guys practically joined at the hip? You’re either siblings or you’re fucking.”

Connie resumed choking, this time on his soda, while Sasha sputtered with disgust.

“THE HELL, JEAN?!” she shrieked, and several students around them craned their necks to see what the commotion was all about. “Don’t say wretched things like that. First of all, he’s Connie, second of all, he’s a _man--”_

“What she means is: I like someone else,” Connie interjected, cutting off the last part of Sasha’s sentence because he knew damn well she wasn’t out to Jean. Jean’s face lit up.

“Shit, Connie, who? Please distract me from this crushing void of loneliness.”

“So dramatic,” Sasha muttered.

“Uh,” Connie said. “Um. I like…”

Sasha sat back and watched her best friend struggle, a mocking supportive smile on her face. “Go on. Who?”

“Fuck you,” Connie responded. Jean stretched his arms behind his head.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. You’re probably just covering for Sasha. Understandable.” Connie sighed with relief as Jean pointed at Sasha with a floppy ham sandwich. “So. Did you or did you not make out with Leonhart yesterday?”

 _“Huh?”_ Sasha gaped at him. _“Leonhart?_ Why would I--”

“I could’ve sworn I heard something about you with someone.”

“Tell him,” Connie whispered. “It’ll be easier.”

“I get it. She’s hot, yeah. And totally your type. Strong and silent, right?”

Annie wasn’t the only strong and silent girl at the school that Sasha had her eye on. 

“Uhm,” Sasha swallowed and cast a glance at where Annie was sitting with the buff guys that were supposedly her childhood friends. 

“Sash! Don’t do _that_ ,” Connie hissed.

Sasha squeezed her hands in her sweatshirt pockets. She wanted to hold off on telling Jean just a little bit longer. She didn’t even know what Mikasa wanted yet. For fuck’s sake, she didn’t know what _she_ wanted yet. Leonhart probably wouldn’t mind one little white lie.

“Yes,” she said. “Yeah, me and Annie, totally.”

Jean hollered with laughter. “No way!”

Everyone’s gaze returned to their table.

“You and Leonhart. No way.” 

Sasha grit her teeth and Connie nervously looked between them. Jean was being a bit too loud.

“What did you say?”

Sasha jumped. Reiner Braun, Annie's childhood friend number one, crossed his arms across his chest, suddenly standing beside them. Did he fucking teleport? Jean promptly shut his mouth. He knew better than to anger a varsity member of the school’s wrestling team. 

“What the hell’d you say?” he repeated, jabbing a finger at Sasha. Sasha tentatively took a bite of her cupcake.

“Nothin’.” Connie nudged her arm when they saw Annie approaching Reiner with a mildly annoyed expression on her face.

“You did too say something,” Reiner continued. “You said you were hooking up with Annie.”

Annie, who’d been tugging on the boy’s arm to get him moving along, stopped and shot Sasha a perplexed look. With her blonde curtain bangs and grey sweater with a bookbag to match, she did look really pretty. However, Sasha seemed to prefer taller girls. Maybe in the five foot six inches range. And black hair.

“I mean, not really--” Annie’s eyes got wider. “More or less, yeah. That was the jist.”

“Braus,” she retorted. “What?”

Reiner looked appalled, though as Sasha took in his tight jeans and tank top, she decided _Oh, this is definitely fruity._

“You know what, this was a misunderstanding…” She shoved the rest of her cupcake in Connie’s face and stood to deescalate the Reiner situation. 

“The hell it is!” He pushed Sasha with the finger he’d jabbed at her. She staggered back a few steps. “Annie’s not like that. That’s sick. Don’t spread those rumors.”

“Reiner--” Annie stared at the ground and pulled his arm to take him away. She looked guilty, Sasha noticed, and remembered how she and Mikasa had dated a few years back.

“Nah! Not cool!” Reiner pretended to lunge at Sasha in an attempt to scare her off.

She didn’t budge, and, seeing how he decided to stalk away without any game, she felt a cruel smirk curl her lips.

“Pussy.”

He whirled around, and Sasha was actually pretty amused to see how offended he got. She would be flattered if someone called her a pussy. What a compliment, no? There was a reason she didn’t like men.

“The fuck did you say?”

Sasha laughed, boldly stepping forward and patting his broad shoulders. “I said you’re a little fuckin’ weak-ass loser. Funny that you’re homophobic, honestly…”

Annie fought back laughter. Reiner was practically turning purple. Connie, who had finished wiping the cupcake frosting off of his face, desperately grabbed Sasha’s hood to yank her away from the impending fight. 

When she turned for just a millisecond to force his hand away, Reiner swung his huge fist at her face. 

She ducked in the knick of time, but the momentum led the boy’s punch to crash into Connie. A few people who had seen the hit let out low whistles.

Sasha froze, nails digging into her palms, watching the scene play out in slow-motion. No one hit her best friend except her. _No one._ She hadn’t intended on physically fighting the blonde dude in front of her. 

That had changed. 

“You fucker!” she yelled, lunging at Reiner and nailing his nose with a sucker-punch before expertly leaping onto his shoulders and squeezing her arms around his eyes.

“Hey!” Annie shouted as she held a bloody napkin to Connie’s face. “It’s fine! Cut it out, Sasha!”

“He started it,” Sasha snapped, kicking her legs in an attempt to maintain her balance on Reiner’s shoulder, ignoring his muffled protests. People began to gather around them.

“Yo!” Eren Jaeger raced to the scene and immediately grabbed Sasha’s arms, trying to pry her off of him. “Sasha, what’s happening?!”

“Guys, please,” Annie repeated.

“The hell is going on, Reiner?!” Bertholdt Hoover, buff dude number two, pushed his way through the mob of kids surrounding the fight.

“Get the fuck off me!” Reiner managed before Sasha rammed her elbow into his skull to shut him up.

“Don’t touch Connie,” she shouted, squeezing her arms tighter. The tumultuous crowd chanted excitedly. 

“Come on, Sasha, get down,” Eren pleaded, nearly hanging from her arms as Bertholdt held a blind Reiner steady. Sasha’s mind was on auto-pilot. Nobody was getting her off of this homophobic bastard. 

Yet she found her arms loosen when gentle hands eased their way around her waist and the crowd hushed. She went slack in the other person’s grip, leaning her back against their chest, panting as she watched Bertholdt follow suit and restrain a bloody Reiner by the crooks of his arms

“Idiots!” Annie spat, and guided Connie away from the lunch tables towards the nurse’s

office. Jean followed them after flashing Sasha a thumbs-up. Eren made sure the two boys were okay before turning to Sasha.

“Shit,” he said, touching her jaw after she nodded permission. “You really gave him a beatdown. You’re lucky--”

Fingers tightened around Sasha’s biceps. “We should get out of here. I see Principal Erwin heading this way.”

Sasha’s chest leaped when she recognized the voice.

“You’re right. Head out the back gate. I’ll cover,” Eren told them. 

Mikasa turned Sasha around to face her and raised her eyebrows. “Let’s go, hothead.”

Sasha shook off the shock of seeing the girl and started after Connie’s figure. “No, I have to see him. It’s my fault he’s hurt, I--”

“No, Sasha, Erwin will see you.” Mikasa kept her grip firm, stormy eyes wider than usual. “I’m sure Connie’s fine, now please let’s ditch--”

Sasha scrambled away and faced the other girl.

“What’s the deal with you?” she asked, frustration biting at her tongue. “Avoiding me all day even though _you’re_ the one who kissed _me?_ Breaking this shit up when I _know_ you hate Reiner, too?”

“Sasha,” Mikasa said, stepping toward her.

“I was _scared,”_ Sasha continued. “I thought you didn’t like me at all. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, thought you were gonna ditch me like my old friends.”

“I’m sorry. Truly.”

They looked at each other for a moment, the flushed, sweaty brunette studying the pale, black-haired girl.

“Fine.”

“I’ll make it up to you. Please.”

“Sure.” Sasha inched closer, a small smile playing on her lips when she saw the faintest blush on Mikasa’s cheeks. They were centimeters apart when Sasha’s worst fear was confirmed.

Mikasa pulled away. 

Every single doubt that Sasha had been harboring since last night came rushing back to her at once. She hesitated, shocked.

“I’m sorry. Sasha, it’s not--”

“Shut up.” Sasha stormed away from her. 

Shut up, shut up. She heard Mikasa call after her. She heard Principal Erwin shouting her name. Shut up.

She just wanted to get to Connie. She had to tell him he was right. Mikasa was bound to break her heart.

* * *

Sasha didn’t walk fast enough. Principal Erwin caught up to her, falling in stride with her easily, and casting her a terrifying side-eyed gaze.

“Miss Braus.”

“Sorry, can’t talk right now,” she replied, holding her gaze steady and away from his. 

“I understand you were responsible for that fight.”

She angrily glanced up at the freakishly tall man. “Hell no, I didn’t. If someone swung at you and punched your friend, you would beat the shit out of them, too.”

“That’s no way to talk to a teacher, Miss Braus,” the principal reminded her gently. “However, is that what happened? I want to be sure to hear both stories.”

“That’s what happened…uh, _sir.”_

“I see.” Principal Erwin’s gaze flicked behind them. “Is that Ackerman following us?”

Sasha turned to look at Mikasa, masking her hopefulness with a penetrating glare. “Yes. If I have to sit through some shit in your office, take her in after me and tell her to fuck herself. Sir.”

“Miss Braus, do you talk to your mother with that mouth?”

“No sir, just Connie.”

“I would think Miss Ackerman would be the one to use phrases like that.”

“Probably, sir, but I’m deciding whether or not I even like her.”

“What for?” Mr. Smith held the administrative office door open for her.

“For leading me on and being a _jerk,_ sir.” Sasha emphasized the ‘jerk’ part and cast one last look at Mikasa, hoping she heard the exchange. By the slightest sadness in her expression as she crossed her arms and sat on a bench outside the office, Sasha could tell she felt badly.

Maybe she hadn’t let her explain herself. She’d been pretty riled up by everything. But Mikasa had still avoided her all day, and then avoided her when they were _face to face._

“Detention for two weeks.”

Sasha snapped her head up to the principal, slumped in her seat. _“Huh?”_

“Detention for--”

“I _heard_ you, Einstein. This is ridiculous.” Sasha kicked at the chair next to her. “Sir.”

“I’m sorry you feel that this is an injustice. Mr. Braun should receive the punishment that is the worst of the two.”

“Oh yeah?” Sasha scoffed, craning her neck to peek into other offices in the building. “Where is Big Bird anyway?”

“With Mr. Zacharias, I presume,” Mr. Smith told her, and picked up the phone on his desk after it rang.

“Whew. Mr. Zacharias. Hope he makes it out alive. _Sir.”_

The principal exchanged a few words with whoever was on the phone and set it down smugly, folding his hands and raising his strangely well-shaped eyebrows.

Sasha eyed him warily.

“What’s this look for, sir? Practicing for your new Youtube apology video?”

“Good news.”

“Ten bucks it isn’t, sir.”

“Miss Ackerman just confessed to the recent vandalization on the west hallway’s vending machine.”

Sasha bit back a laugh. Mr. Smith was referring to the beautiful drawings of Eren’s older brother that Connie and Jean had convinced her to create. It was a beautiful combination of Sharpie, chewing gum, and saltine crackers. The drawing was simply divine; it slightly resembled some kind of chimpanzee that wore Zeke Jaeger’s glasses and sported his ugly-ass beard. 

“Wow, sir. That’s a revelation. I didn’t know she had such artistic talent.”

“Neither did I.” The principal allowed a long moment of silence that made Sasha fidget in her seat. “This does mean she will be joining you for detention.

So that was the ‘good news.’

“Wonderful,” Sasha grumbled. “Remind me to get high so I don’t think about my feelings every time I see her goddamn face.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that remark and release you to your last class.” Mr. Smith handed her a pink tardy slip with a kind smile. “I suggest talking to her.”

“Great!” Sasha said sarcastically, snatching the slip and booking it out the door. “Off to fail physics, sir!”

“Detention starts Monday! After class in Ms. Hange’s room!”

“Ahh, fuck me,” Sasha said under her breath, dashing through several corridors and slipping quietly into Ms. Hange’s classroom.

* * *

Most of her classmates curiously watched her creep up the aisle and flop into her seat, burying her head in her arms, wishing the day was over already. When she opened her eyes to stare at the disgusting carpet, she could see black combat boots walking past her. 

The class collectively murmured, and Sasha knew it was because they assumed her and Mikasa had been fooling around before class. Unfortunately, it was because Sasha had beat the shit out of a _varsity wrestler_ and Mikasa had admitted to vandalism for no apparent reason. 

“You okay, you fucking idiot?” 

Sasha glowered at the floor again, wishing Mikasa would take her last words to heart and shut her pretty mouth. She touched her jaw, ignoring the other girl and massaging the spot where Reiner had landed his one hit.

“Talk to me, Sasha. Jeez.”

Sasha shifted her weight and looked over to where Jean was sitting. Reminder: the girl wasn’t worth it. Do not engage. Ignore all feelings.

“I know you’re mad at me,” Mikasa whispered, after pretending to drop her pencil and stretching over Sasha’s desk to reach it. “Listen, I only pulled away because Erwin was right there.”

Silence. Sasha tapped her fingers to the rhythm of the clock and tried to focus on Ms. Hange’s presentation instead of the captivating dark eyes burning a hold in the side of her head. A confused Jean was staring back at them from his seat.

“And what’s this Leonhart shit? Did the fight really start because of her?”

The bell rang, forcing Mikasa to give up on the conversation. She gave a frustrated sigh and slung her bag over her shoulder. Students brushed past them, filing out the door, a few of them earning menacing looks and shoves after stepping on Mikasa’s feet.

“I’m not with Annie,” Sasha said quietly, hopping out of her seat and heading to the door. “I said that to cover up the fact that I want to be with you.”

Mikasa picked up her pace a little to chase after Sasha. “ ‘Want’ to? Not ‘want _ed,’_ right?”

Sasha didn’t answer. She wanted so badly to stay mad at the girl next to her, to finally feel what it was like to have someone chase after her instead of the other way around. She wanted it to be different than junior year, which she now realized was entirely wasted because of a stupid little crush on Hitch Dreyse. So _that_ was why Sasha had flunked geometry, arguably the easiest subject, a class she had shared with Hitch. 

“Sasha,” Mikasa pushed, tripping over her boots when Sasha sped up toward her locker. 

“I don’t wanna talk right now, dude,” Sasha said brusquely, smacking her combination lock with annoyance. “I have your number. Text me or something.”

“I gave you my number. I don’t have yours.” Mikasa’s voice was indifferent, though her eyebrows were slightly furrowed beneath her bangs.

“I don’t know, man, find it somewhere!” Sasha was distracted now, rifling through the junk that was piled up in her locker, rummaging around in the bottom until she found the cheap pack of cigarettes that she’d stored for emergency use. She wrestled one out of the box and whipped out a lighter from her back pocket, flicking it on with ease, cigarette between her teeth. Mikasa had been distracted, pinching her temple with her eyes squeezed shut, and when she saw Sasha discreetly exhaling a long breath of smoke out of the corner of her mouth, she was quite shocked.

“No _way,”_ she scolded, snatching the cigarette out of Sasha’s mouth and stomping it beneath her foot immediately. When Sasha protested and reached for the box, Mikasa grabbed it before she could and tossed it over her shoulder in the direction of a trash bin. “No. Never. You fucking idiot. Those are cigarettes. You fucking _idiot.”_

“Well,” Sasha said. “Old habits. I mean, why am I explaining to _you?_ You’re the one causing this endless headache I’ve had today.”

“Sure.” 

“Honestly, you had me questioning my life's existence last night. You had me thinking about college, for fuck’s sake. Worrying about schools and careers. Because of one stupid kiss.”

The corner of Mikasa’s mouth quirked to one side. She looked too smug for Sasha’s liking. “That bad, hm? So you’re responsible and loyal, seeing how you beat up a kid for coming at Connie.”

“Yeah.”

“That wasn’t the only reason, was it?” 

The smiles faded and Sasha stared at her beat-up shoes. 

“Nah. He kinda dissed Annie. And us, for that matter. Being homophobic towards Annie means all of us.”

“He’s a dick. You were in the right.”

“I know.” 

“Good thing I like people who are responsible and loyal, yeah?” Mikasa nudged her shoulder with her own as they started walking to the school’s exit.

“You could say that.” Sasha refused to let her off the hook this easily. “Why did you avoid me all day, then?”

Mikasa stiffened. “Shit. Uh, I mean…”

“Don’t be a bitch and lead me on. Bitch.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was just… embarrassed? I don’t normally make out with random girls.”

“Would you call that your swaggy alter-ego self?”

“The fuck?”

“Connie’s theory.”

“Right. Sure.” 

They descended the school steps and stood on the street in front of the campus, where they now had to part ways. Sasha wondered how odd of a sight it was to see them standing together. Sasha with her ratty old converse, fraying hoodie, baggy beige pants, and messy brown hair. Mikasa with her collection of silver chains, rings, and earrings, her black skirt, sweatshirt, and boots, her dark hair. Today, she’d accentuated her eye bags with her makeup, giving her a more masculine look. Her hair was bunched up in pigtails like it had been yesterday. A silver cross dangled from her left ear.

Sasha loved everything about Mikasa. She doubted the other girl would say the same about her. The only thing glamorous about her appearance was maybe the necklace she wore that held her mom’s ring. Even that was only a leather cord looped through a simple gold band. 

She wanted to climb inside her head and unravel all her conflicting emotions. She wanted to write every thought down on paper, she wanted to take a picture of the dark-haired girl and make it her phone’s lock screen to remember all of these good feelings. She pointed at Mikasa’s earring with a slender finger.

“Are you religious?”

Mikasa shook her head. “No. These were my grandmas. I like the way they look. I lost one of them, though. Obviously.”

“Not religious. Got it.”

“Yeah, but I’ve gotta head to my Satan worshipping class at four. Don’t make me late.”

Sasha missed the joke; her phone screen had lit up and she’d looked down to read the message.

**_Jean:_ ** _Yo, can we talk later? Or now? Wya?_

Her carefree mood plummeted when she remembered Connie’s words. What was she thinking, pursuing a relationship with the girl that her best friend had liked for more than a year? Instead of answering or assuring him that she would call him, she dragged her brown-eyed gaze back to Mikasa.

“Can we start over?”

Mikasa did a double-take when she noticed Sasha’s serious look and stared at her. “What?”

“Not all the way over. Like, don’t be your usual hot bitch self to me like it used to be. Let’s forget what happened and start over.”

“For _get?”_ Mikasa was frowning now. “The fuck are you talking about?”

Sasha flashed her a forced smile, digging in her pocket and producing the pack of mentos. Mikasa hesitated, then reluctantly accepted them.

“Why?” she said after a beat.

Sasha didn’t look at her. “It was one kiss. That’s it. Nothing more.”

“Braus, you tried to kiss me again earlier, you gave me shit for avoiding you, you _guilted_ me, I--”

“It was a mistake.” The words even hurt Sasha to say. She squeezed her eyes shut. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Mikasa had reached out to touch her arm, and now recoiled, mouth slightly open. She shouldered her bag with a resentful look on her face and stepped backwards a few steps.

“Who’s the bitch now, huh? Talk about leading me on… ” She scowled, looked Sasha up and down once more, then scoffed. “Fine.”

Sasha watched her turn on her heel and walk away. She looked so good in that skirt.

To think she’d made such a big deal of Mikasa avoiding her, and now doing this… 

“Jean, you better be fucking worth it. Damn it.” Sasha sighed and kicked a few pebbles near her feet, feeling emptier than she had before shit with Mikasa had gone down. 

It was bullshit to pick and choose who to date according to her friends’ unspoken rules, yet it was worse if she lost a lifelong relationship due to one that might not even last.

“Sash!”

She cursed and searched for the source of his voice.

“I’ve been looking for you.” Jean bounded down the school steps and mussed up her hair. 

“Yeah.” She socked his shoulder and they walked down the street, falling in stride, taking the long route to Sasha’s house. “What’s up?”

“Did you wanna catch a movie later? Tomorrow’s the weekend. Connie’s free, too, so we can…” 

Sasha unintentionally tuned him out.

Of course Jean was worth it. He was an amazing guy. When she was with him, she laughed easily. She was comfortable, content, like it had always been. 

But with Mikasa? 

It was new and exciting. It got her heart racing. Though the emotions were unfamiliar, they gave her a rush that could send her blushing all the way home. 

She threw one last glance behind her, looking for the silhouette who’d headed home in the opposite direction.

“...does that sound good?” Jean was studying her happily.

Sasha faced forward and shrugged, giving him an easy smile. “Yeah. Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont smoke ever or ill summon john cena to look at you while you sleep. you'll never know when he does. who even is john cena


	3. Emo Brad Pitt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha deals with her conflicting mindsets with help from her best friends. Connie tells her to have hope.

Meaningless. That was how Sasha viewed most of her life. She could disappear off of the earth right then and there. Would anybody care? She wouldn’t. She knew the kids who rolled their eyes at her idiotic jokes during class wouldn’t. The guy she beat up wouldn’t, and his friend wouldn’t either.

She sat on her bed, her back against the sturdy wall, phone in one hand, blunt in the other, staring at her current conversation with her mom.

**_Mom:_ ** _ Late night today. Feel free to order out. If not, leftovers are in the fridge. _

Would her mom care? Of course she would. She would. Without her realizing, Sasha’s hands had begun to shake. She hastily dialed Connie’s number from her list of emergency contacts.

“Yo,” he said. “What’s up? Didn’t get enough of me and Jean for one day already?”

It took her a moment to answer. His voice was so casual, his demeanor so effortless. 

“Hi,” she responded.

Only one word, and Connie could tell immediately that something was wrong. He knew that Sasha dealt with depressive episodes once in a while, and she’d been going strong. But he also knew that her well-being was never guaranteed. He inhaled sharply.

“Is it… are you having one of those nights?”

“Yeah.”

“Give me three minutes. I’ll be there.”

Sasha tossed her phone on her bed and stood up quickly, raking a hand through her hair and taking a drag of the blunt in the other. She knew damn well she’d told her mom she was quitting.  _ Old habits. _

“Fuck,” she muttered, fighting the stinging tears that wanted to spill down her face.

Why was she crying in the first place? Was it because, even though she loved her mom more than anything, she wasn’t home nearly enough to satisfy Sasha’s need for constant reassurance that she would never leave her? Was it because she craved a different kind of relationship, one where the other person told her they loved her and it didn’t feel dirty to say it back? Or was it because the stress of college, her two failed driving test attempts, her  plummeting grades, and the constant urge to check in on her friends without checking in on herself was getting unbearable?

Connie pounded on the front door, and Sasha yanked it open. He immediately pulled her close to his chest, allowing her to hear his furious heartbeat, telling her that he’d dropped everything and possibly sprinted to her house.

“I’m here,” he said, a bit winded. 

And Sasha smiled. Because even if everything else was meaningless, she knew she had her best friend. She took a deep breath; the uncomfortable knot in her stomach had loosened slightly. 

Connie studied her seriously when she led them inside, taking another drag of her blunt, hand-rolled, one of her neater ones, unlike the last few she had stashed in her desk. They returned to Sasha’s horribly messy room, Sasha wordlessly curling back up on her bed and Connie patiently analyzing her.

“Do you want me to be quiet, and you can try to get some rest? I brought a book this time,” he said, lifting up his jacket and brandishing a book from his waistband. 

Sasha blew a smoke ring and lay her head back, staring at the ceiling. “It’s okay. I just needed you to be here.”

“Understood,” Connie said sitting on her bed. “Shit, my shoes…” 

“Did she talk to you?” 

Connie froze while removing his left shoe. “Did she…? To me? No, I’ve never really talked to her before, so…” 

Sasha sighed in response, and Connie plucked the blunt from her hand. “Hey!”

He stubbed it out in the ashtray on her desk, frowning at her. She groaned angrily. 

“Man, that was a good one!”

“Getting high to dismiss emotional distress is never the answer. Talk to me, Sash. You know you can trust me.” Sasha rubbed her eyes and sat up. Connie slung an arm around her. “You don’t have to hide your crying either. No one’s made of fucking stone. Crying can be a good way to cope.”

So the tears started. And Sasha was unable to explain them. Yet Connie didn’t care. He stayed there with her, letting her cry into his chest, stroking her hair, never criticizing her or telling her she had no reason to be upset.

The tears only stopped when Sasha tapped Connie’s stomach, and he paused reading from the book he’d brought, halting the vibrations of his voice in his chest that’d been making Sasha’s ears buzz.

“You’re done with  _ They Both Die At The End  _ already? I know, it’s kinda sad. We made it to chapter six, though.” He dogeared the page they left off on and looked at his friend. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I know. That’s totally fine.”

“I feel stupid.”   


“Please don’t. Honestly? I cried last night. At this book. I just restarted it today because you requested me to read it.”

Sasha wore the faintest of smiles before frowning down at her hands again. “I’m sad. Because of so many things. So many seemingly  _ irrelevant  _ things. If I had to pinpoint one thing that’s fucking me up the most…”

Connie knew the answer. So did Sasha.

“I told her off because of what you said,” she admitted. Connie looked terrified. 

“Shit. Shit, shit. You didn’t need to! I only said it because of Jean, I mean… it would fuck him up, right?”

“See, the thing is,” Sasha said, patting his stomach to calm him down. “Sure, it would upset Jean. But too bad. Jean would have to choose between dwelling on his own stupid crush on a lesbian or my happiness.”

“You’re right. You should send him a postcard that says that.”

“Hopefully he’d choose my happiness.” Sasha stretched her arms and fiddled with her necklace. “I fucked things up with Mikasa. So there’s no way it’ll happen now. Also? _ College _ is stressing me the fuck out.”

“Say it louder for Anakin Skywalker,” Connie said, referring to Jean, who had curled his hair the other day to look like the  _ Star Wars  _ character. “Ever since he got his early acceptance letter he’s been so carefree.”

“Asshole.”

Connie’s expression turned gentle. “Hey, I bet you can work it out with Mikasa. You seem to care about her a lot already. Don’t give up.”

“Exactly. I like her so much, and I met her… two days ago? I know nothing about her. We know nothing about each other, but there’s this… this  _ energy  _ between us. I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. I feel like she’s someone who I would let jump into my arms and just  _ hold.” _

“You’re quite the romantic. Would she even condone that?”

“Don’t be fooled by the goth exterior. I swear I made her blush today. Er, yesterday?” They both turned and looked at the clock on the wall. It was twelve fifteen. They’d been laying on her bed for hours. “Yeah. Yesterday.”

“I think you guys are cute,” Connie said, and Sasha laughed somewhat bitterly. 

“Yeah. And I fucked it all up.”

Connie nudged her and told her to have some faith. “Did you eat something for dinner?”

“I ate like four granola bars while simultaneously crying and listening to your depressing-ass book.” It was true. There were crumbs all over her hoodie.

“I’ll scavenge the fridge for you.” Connie hopped off the bed to go into the kitchen. “Oh, and I’m taking all your weed. You told your mom you’re quitting, so I’m holding you to it.”

Sasha scowled in his direction. “Fine… thank you.”

“And hey,” he added, sticking his head back in the room after stuffing Sasha’s stashes in his back pockets. “I love you. Don’t forget.”

“Ugh. I love you too. Emo Brad Pitt.”

“How in the world am I emo Brad Pitt?” Connie exclaimed, his voice fading as he wandered to the kitchen. 

“Didn’t he shave his head when Jennifer Aniston dumped him?” Sasha snuggled into her bedding. “I don’t know.”

“You want instant ramen or whatever we got going on in this container?” 

Sasha told him no, whatever was in the container was most likely moldy, and promptly heard her best friend accidentally drop the container on the floor. She laughed weakly into her pillow, her head aching and her puffy eyes stinging as she listened to Connie clatter around.

He was an idiot. That was a lie. He was amazing. She loved it.

* * *

Saturday mornings were Sasha’s least favorite time of the week. They were so useless, so boring. She often wound up laying in bed, overthinking about what she should eat, and whether or not she should eat at all, depending on how crippling her insecurities were that morning, or if she was going to guilt herself into working out.

Simply put, they were a living hell. Luckily, this Saturday, Connie was passed out on the rug by her bed, their empty ramen cups stacked up next to his knees.

Sasha climbed out of bed to change her shirt and wash up before she woke the sleeping beauty. She heard her mom clamoring around with pans and assumed she was finishing breakfast.  _ Like a psychopath,  _ Sasha thought.  _ It’s only eight.  _ She was never hungry before ten.

She marveled at her splotchy face before doing her skincare routine, and was then promptly interrupted by a sleepy Connie.

“I’ve gotta run,” he mumbled. “My dad needs help watching Indie.” Sasha spat out her toothpaste and rinsed, blindly patting his face behind her back.

“Got it. Thanks for talking me down last night.”

“I’m always available for that.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Of course. Hey, twenty bucks says you make up with Mikasa this week.”

Sasha let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’ll take that. There’s no way I’ll crawl my way back from this one.”

“You’ll see!” Connie poked her back playfully so she would turn around.

They hugged quickly before Sasha kicked him out of the house and sent him away to babysit his little brother. Indie was a total shithead, only cute sometimes. Sasha basically disliked most children, however, the ten-year-old miniature Connie owned a place in her heart. She swore to never admit it.

“Sash?” her mom called when Sasha walked into the kitchen. 

“Yo.”

“Did you not order out last night?”

Sasha inwardly cringed as she recalled how much she’d cried.

“No. We had ramen.”

“Alright.” Her mom rummaged through papers on the counter, almost spilling coffee on half of them. “Sorry I couldn’t be home. I stayed late to finish up those tests from Wednesday.”

“It’s fine,” Sasha said, catching the coffee pot before her mom let it shatter on the floor.

Her mom was a middle school history teacher, arguably the best one out there. She was so fucking dedicated one would think she was a lawyer if they took into account how often she stayed out late to finish up work at the school. Sasha wondered if she could ever apply for a position at the high school-- maybe then she would be home more often. She would never dare to ask and compromise the casual, lighthearted relationship they had shared for so long.

“Connie wanted me to pass along the message that Jean wants to take you to a party tonight,” her mom continued, wiggling her eyebrows. “Apparently he wants to have some ‘dope’ times with you this weekend before you spend every day next week in  _ detention?” _

Sasha had been gulping down half a cup of scalding hot coffee and now sputtered meekly, “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Lying to me doesn’t work,” her mom reminded her, taking away her coffee and insisting that she drink some water. “The school called me anyway. I wanted to surprise you. I assume this wrestler kid said some shit to you or about someone?”

“Something like that,” Sasha said. “I’m sorry. I went overboard. I accidentally spun this big lie to cover up some shit and it ended with… a dude’s broken nose. Plus he punched Connie. That’s a big no.”

“Is this about a girl?” 

Sasha almost dropped her water glass. 

“What?  _ MOM!”  _

“What?” her mom laughed, dragging out the ‘a.’ “You’ve seemed distracted since Valentine’s day! You were all smiling and then, get this, you told me you were  _ quitting smoking.  _ I have a right to wonder, don’t I?”

Sasha ignored her heated face and angrily buttered toast. “Yeah, I quit. So what? It was a personal choice.”

Her mom watched her for a second. “Did it go wrong? You said you were covering up something with lies. Was it something you were hiding from friends?”

“I don’t like this guessing game. Please stick to  _ Jeopardy.” _

“Jean?”

Sasha stopped buttering her toast, squeezing the knife too hard, knuckles white. 

“Is it the girl he likes?”

Why was her mom so goddamn smart?

“For the record, she  _ rejected  _ him. And for the record, refusing to get involved with her was the right decision.”

“For him, maybe. Was it the right decision for you?” Her mom stole a piece of her toast. “You were willing to clean up for her. You seemed to heavily consider whether or not it was okay to be with her, no? The only place you went wrong was where your loyalties stand, or where Jean’s loyalties stand.” 

Sasha chewed nervously, tossing the loaf of bread back into the cupboard. “Jean should want me to be happy… right?”

Her mom shrugged, writing notes on a student’s paper in a glossy red ink. “Why don’t you go to this party and find out?”

* * *

That’s how Sasha ended up in Jean’s crappy car that night, her knees pulled to her chest and her mind calculating how she could approach such an awkward conversation with her friend.  _ Hey man, as you now know, I’m gay as hell. And get this, I fancy the chick you pined over for a year. The same chick who rejected you two days ago. Is it cool if I somehow mend our fucked relationship and go out with her?  _

That probably wouldn’t work. Jean hummed along to the music Sasha was playing and ran a hand through his hair.

“If Connie is emo buzz cut Brad Pitt, am I long-haired, dreamy Brad Pitt?” Jean asked suddenly, snapping Sasha out of her scenarios. 

“Again, you’re Anakin Skywalker, but nice try. Why, you got the hots for Jennifer? Or is it Brad you’re crushing on?”

“I don’t know,” Jean responded thoughtfully. “He is pretty handsome. Do you like him?”

Sasha raised her eyebrows. “Wow, you’re really broadening your horizons. And no, he’s a man. Sorry.”

“I see.”

Sasha shifted in her seat, wondering how Jean could not tell that Mikasa had zero interest in men. It was painfully obvious. For fuck’s sake, Sasha could faintly recall a time when she’d written ‘I eat’ on one hand’s knuckles and ‘pussy’ on the others. She suppressed laughter.

“What?” Jean asked, carefully steering around a slow-ass driver.

“I…” Sasha laughed out loud. “How could you  _ not  _ tell that Mikasa was a lesbian?”

Jean smiled sheepishly. “I know… I feel so stupid now. I guess it was because I wanted to believe I had a chance.”

“Like, come  _ on!  _ You shoulda pieced it together. She and I act the same, just with different styles. You know?”

“I guess.” Jean frowned. “Hey, were you talking to her yesterday after school before I went out to meet you?”

“Oh, yeah…,” Sasha replied as casually as she could. “It was nothing.” 

“You guys would be a cute dynamic.” Jean paid no attention to Sasha’s wide eyes. “Stoner girl and goth girl.”

“Overstatement, but… true, we would be cute.” Sasha mentally screamed into her fist. Jean couldn’t have said that  _ before  _ shit went down?

“It’s not as if you like her, though,” he said, and Sasha’s celebration was cut short.

He failed to notice her silence, rocking out to the current song playing and carefully parking the car about a block away from the house that was hosting the supposed party. They found their way to the right address, Jean dancing around the whole time, trying to get Sasha’s energy up. She tugged down her beanie and grumbled at his playful antics. They stepped into the front yard and walked up the steps, Sasha immediately spotting one too many plastic red cups for her liking.

“Nah, Jean, I thought this was a chill party,” she complained as he tugged on her sweatshirt’s sleeve. “Not a Get-Shitfaced-Drunk-And-Vomit-On-Sasha party.” She scanned the people around her and pointed at a familiar tall, freckled boy. “I’m looking at you, Marco!”

“C’mon, try and have a little fun. Besides, Leonhart’s supposed to be here…” Jean trailed off hopefully, brightening when he saw Annie walk through the door with a pack of hard seltzers. 

“Bertholdt! I brought your wine aunt drinks, you fruity fuck!” 

Sasha yanked on Jean’s collar, bringing him down a few inches to look her in the eyes. “I  have two problems with this. One, are you trying to set me up with Leonhart? And two, did you fucking drag me to  _ Bertholdt’s  _ house?” 

Jean grimaced and put his hands up. “I have two answers! One, yes, because you said you made out with her, and I  _ think  _ that’s true? Two, I swear I didn’t know, please don’t murder me. Did I mention how pretty you look tonight in that… Aubrey Plaza-esque sweatshirt? I… does that say ‘I hate everyone’ on it?”

Sasha cursed under her breath. “You’re on thin ice, Taylor Lautner.” Of course Jean still thought she and Annie were hooking up. She told him to stay put to watch over Marco and wove through the crowd of tipsy teenagers until she found Annie, who was shoving the seltzer into the arms of the giant wrestling kid. Sasha recognized him as Bertholdt, and was proud of herself for doing so; she was never the best at assigning names to faces. As soon as she appeared before them, he yelped and actually backed into the wall to escape her.

“Uh, hey,” Sasha said, nodding at him and turning to Annie. “Sorry about yesterday’s fiasco. I… I lost my shit.” She looked back at Bertholdt. “Sorry for beating up your friend.”

“You’re good,” he managed. “He’s all dejected now. He keeps saying how he can’t believe he lost to a girl.”

“Okay, where is that motherfucker--” 

“Sasha!” Annie grabbed her arm and restrained her from going re-berserk on Reiner. “He’s a dick, I know. But he’s practically family, and… I don’t know. Please go easy on him.”

“Fine,” Sasha huffed. “I came to say I’m sorry for spreading that rumor about us.” 

Annie rolled her eyes. “Damn right. What was that about, anyway?”

“Wait, so you two aren’t…?” Bertholdt gestured between the girls. 

“No way!” Annie said. “Uh, no offense.”

Sasha laughed. “None taken.”

“So why’d you make it up?” Bertholdt asked, cracking open one of his seltzers and earning a smirk from Annie. 

“I panicked. Sorry. Jean was pressing me about some shit, I didn’t wanna tell him the truth, I was a dumbass, etcetera…” 

Annie cocked an eyebrow. “Really? What were you covering up?”

“Uh, well, I think that’s for a different time.”

“I mean, I have an idea. Black lipstick isn’t the most discreet makeup product in the world.”

Sasha kissed her teeth, fidgeting under Annie’s smug gaze, itching for a way out of the conversation. “Noted. Got to go. Good talk. Bye.”

“Bye bye,” Annie called after her, ignoring Bertholdt's confused questions. “I think she’s around here somewhere!”

Sasha willed her heartbeat to slow as she pushed through people to find Jean. Mikasa was here somewhere. She was here. Maybe with Armin? No, Armin would never come to a party like this, unless maybe Eren convinced him, and they ended up having a drunk make out session half the time. In that case, Mikasa would be the third wheel, like always, and, worst case scenario, would resort to copious amounts of alcohol. 

Sasha pulled up Armin’s secret instagram account and checked his latest post: a shot of Eren sleeping in the passenger seat of his car. 

**_badbitcharlert:_ ** _ This idiot got wasted in two minutes. Taking him home before he flashes everyone again.  _

Shit. This meant Mikasa had no ride home, that is, if Annie was right and she’d actually shown up.

“No luck with Leonhart?” Jean threw his arm around her and offered her a soda. Sasha accepted it and took a sip, channeling the confidence of drunk Eren to come clean to her best friend.

“Nah,” she said. “I never made out with her.”

“Huh?! Why’d you say so?” 

“Because,” Sasha started, offering a sip of the soda to him. “Because I kissed Mikasa. Not Annie. And I think I like her. I really do.”

Jean looked shocked for moment, subsequently resorting to laughter. “You know, you get funny when you’re mad at me.”

Sasha simply stared at him.

Jean stopped laughing. “You’re serious?”

She nodded.

He grabbed both her shoulders. “This is huge!”

Sasha frowned up at him. “You’re not mad? You don’t want to dump this soda on my head? You don’t want to set me on fire?”

“No, no, and no,” Jean gave her a gentle smile. “Sash, I don’t want to be in the way of a good relationship for you. I’m sorry if you ever felt that way.”

Sasha returned the smile before punching his arm. “Fucking fuck! I fucking turned her down--well, more or less--for  _ you!”  _ She threw her arms up. “Dammit. She’s gotta be around here somewhere…”

Jean pulled his keys out of his pocket and handed them to her. “Here. I’ll ask around a bit and see what I can find out. If you don’t want to stick around, go to the car and I’ll meet you. Good?”

Sasha nodded. “Okay.”

Jean disappeared into another room, and Sasha loosely followed after him, checking every corner and vacant floor space she passed for the dark-haired girl. She was about to head outside when she heard someone say Mikasa’s name.

“Who? Mikasa? Yeah, that slut went upstairs with, like, four guys.”

“Bet they’re having the time of their lives.”

“No shit!”

Sasha had never sprinted upstairs so fast in her life. Only one door was closed. She burst into the room, her chest tight with fear.

“What the fuck?”

“Fucking bitch. What do you want?”

Sasha breathed hard, looking between a disheveled Mikasa on the bed and the guys who were surrounding her.

“What’s your name?” Sasha demanded, shoving past them and picking Mikasa up off the bed. “What are your fucking names?

“The fuck is up with you?”

“I want to know your  _ fucking names, tell me right the fuck now!” _

She was mad. Oh, she was furious. She held Mikasa tight against her and pulled out her phone, taking a picture of the group of disgusting guys before her. 

They indignantly refused to tell her their names. She left them with three bloody noses and a busted lip, narrowly escaping a black eye herself, tripping over Mikasa’s feet as she carried her down the stairs.

People murmured with confusion when she hurried through the living room, but slowly understood when they saw how unwell Mikasa looked and how angry the boys who were chasing her looked. The crowd parted to let Sasha pass and book it out the door, then proceeded to jump on the group of guys as soon as she was safe.

“Hey,” Sasha said softly, brushing Mikasa’s hair away from her eyes once they were in Jean’s car. Mikasa stirred, more awake now, grabbing bunches of Sasha’s sweatshirt.

“You,” she muttered. “Armin. Eren. Where were they? Where…”

Sasha offered the girl a bottle of water. “They had to go. Armin didn’t tell you?”

“Oh. He did.” Mikasa winced, pressing a hand against her chest. “Fuck. What happened…?”

Sasha stomach twisted, and she tried to remember what she’d seen in the bedroom. “Those guys roofied your drink. I saw your cup in the room you were in, and I checked their pockets. They had empty pill cases.”

Mikasa fell back against the car seat and kicked the dashboard. “Fuck… Jesus christ, Jesus fucking christ. I… thank you.”

“I got their pictures. Do you think you could identify them?” Sasha paused and put a cold hand on Mikasa’s forehead, looking straight at her. “Your eyes aren’t focusing. You’re still having side effects. I’ll post it on social media and ask around.”

“You…” Mikasa scooted away from Sasha’s touch. “You, I don’t like you.”

Sasha’s reassuring smile faded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“No.” Mikasa pulled her legs up to her and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to like you. But I do.”

Sasha sent a lengthy text to Jean, explaining the situation and promising to come back to get him. She started the car. “I’m taking you home. Give me your address.

Driver’s license or not, she was getting this fucking girl home.

* * *

“Principal Erwin called,” Sasha’s mom told her the next morning. “The four boys you caught last night were expelled.”   


“Fucking hooray,” Sasha replied. “I was so angry. I am angry. I'm _furious."_

“I know. I am, too. Hell, everyone is. I’m sorry. ‘Not all men’ my ass. I can’t believe this happened in our home. How is Mikasa?”

“Still not talking to me.” As painful as it was, Sasha tried her best to understand.

“Seriously?” Her mom took off her glasses to look at her daughter. “Even though you got her home safe?”

“I don’t blame her. I was an asshole.”

“She’ll come around. She has to.”

* * *

School the next day was almost worse than Saturday mornings. Nobody directly asked her or Mikasa about what had happened, however, nobody concealed their whispers or stares. Sasha wished she’d eaten one of Connie’s brownies now.

“I’ll slap anyone who comes up to you, I swear to god,” Connie said as they walked to their last classes of the day. 

“No need. I’ve earned myself a little reputation. First Reiner, now four other pieces of shit? Although I wish these situations would stop presenting themselves.”

“Please,” Connie prayed to the ceiling. “Give this sort of funny girl a break. Please.”

“You’re a hoot.”

“I get that a lot.” He squeezed her into a side hug. “See you.”

“Until tomorrow, John Cena,” she replied, rubbing his shaved head and continuing down the hall to physics. There would be no pining over Ms. Hange today, she decided. Because of, obviously, the person who sat in front of her desk.

She felt eyes on her when she set her bag on the ground and sat down, and flipped off a few boys who were giving her nasty grins. Mikasa’s head was down, and Sasha could hear the faint sound of music coming from her earbuds. She didn’t bother her. 

Halfway through class, Ms. Hange tapped on Mikasa’s desk. She begrudgingly sat up, yanking out her headphones. They exchanged a few low words and Ms. Hange handed her a stack of papers. Sasha assumed it was the day’s work and was grateful that her teacher was such a kind person. 

The bell rang, and the rest of the class trickled out. Sasha stuck her foot in the isle and tripped one of the kids that had been staring at her. He glared at her and she shrugged, slumping further in her seat, propping her feet up on her desk.

“Okay, you two,” Ms. Hange said, leaning against her table. “I’m not gonna give extra work or make you clean the classroom. I don’t like those punishments. I’d rather give you time to catch up on work, or, I don’t know…”

The teacher looked at the two miserable girls and chuckled. Sasha stiffened and arched an eyebrow.

“What’s up, Doc Oc?”

“Oh, I  _ love  _ that movie,” Mikasa murmured, shutting up immediately after, as if remembering that she was avoiding conversation with Sasha.

“I’m getting a weird energy from you guys,” Hange said, cleaning her glasses. “By the way, I apologize for the behavior of some of my students. They don’t understand how fucking difficult it is to be a woman in this society.”

Mikasa had turned slightly toward Sasha, and they exchanged a glance.

“Oh, excuse my language,” Ms. Hange added quickly. “Apologies for  _ my  _ behavior. I… well, all the teachers were informed about last night’s situation.”

Mikasa scoffed. “It’s funny, isn’t it? First I was known as the school slut. Now I’m known as the slut who almost got raped.”

“There’s nothing funny about that. It’s demeaning and toxic, the environment some students create in this school. I’m sorry you’ve been the target of it for all these years.” Hange looked at Sasha. “However, it seems that this one here has been changing some of that.”

Sasha crossed her arms. “Not exactly. I only…”

“Only what? Beat up five students for one girl?” Sasha flushed, and Mikasa turned back to face the front. “And you, you admitted to Miss Braus’s vandalism.”

“The fuck are you talking about this for, huh?” Mikasa interrupted, and Ms. Hange grabbed her coffee mug.

“I’m going to let you two go early today, okay? We’ll do makeup work tomorrow afternoon.” She smiled and unlocked the back door that led to the teacher’s lounge. “And to answer your question, Miss Ackerman: it’s fascinating what we do for love. That’s all.”

She winked and disappeared through the door, leaving Sasha stunned and Mikasa without a rebuttal.

They silently grabbed their bags and slipped out the door. Sasha snuck a look at the other girl as they walked out of the school. 

“I’m sorry.”

“What for? Saving my ass? I owe  _ you  _ for that one, Braus.”

Sasha shook her head. “No. For running away from  _ you _ when I was scared of  _ my  _ feelings. Jean liking you was no excuse to dismiss whatever we had. It was good, what we had.” She cast another look at Mikasa. “What we… have?”

A ghost of a smile played on Mikasa’s lips. “I’m glad you can admit that you were so scared of commitment that you used your friend’s feelings to put a wall up around yours.”

“Shit. No need to attack me like that.” 

_ She’ll come around. She has to. _

They descended the school steps to stand where they stood yesterday. A light wind ruffled Mikasa’s hair, which she’d left loose today. Sasha wanted to reach out and run her fingers through it, feel how soft it was. She wore baggy jeans and a sweater that had little skulls knitted across the collar. Sasha found the skulls adorable and decided that if she ever discovered she had a secret talent for knitting, she would knit beanie to match the sweater.

“I can walk you home, if you’d like,” Sasha offered, desperate to spend more time with the girl and rekindle the tiny relationship she’d fucked over.

“It’s fine,” Mikasa said, shifting around the weight of her bag. “I’m only a block away. Besides, it’s fucking cold.”

“Not really,” Sasha lied, retreating further into her hoodie. “I forgot, we live kind of close.”

“Good,” Mikasa mused. “Less distance for you to lead me on.”

Ouch. “I’m really, really fucking sorry about that. I promise that was the last time. If I do it again somehow, promise me you’ll kill me.”

Mikasa ignored her with an endearing scowl. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Braus.”

Sasha smiled, and she thought she saw the other girl return it before they parted ways. She walked along the side of the street and dialed Connie’s number.

“Yo, what’s up?”

“I owe you twenty bucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this immediately after posting the last chapter, and i don't want to make you guys wait, so here we are! i hope you liked this chapter, i'll probably post the fourth one sometime next week.


	4. Kenny the frog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s a Tuesday night,” Armin observed. “Everything should be open. There was this new taco place by--”
> 
> “Done,” Mikasa said.
> 
> “I love tacos,” Sasha added, and Mikasa yanked her up on the sidewalk as cars roared by.

Twenty two pages. Twenty two fucking pages of makeup work for physics. When Sasha saw the pile of papers on her desk she tried to sprint out of the classroom.

“I can’t say I’m happy about it either,” Ms. Hange told her. “It means you’ve been neglecting my class.” 

Sasha glared at the worksheets and gnawed on her pencil. “I hate this.”

“Love the attitude.” Hange finished writing up a problem for Mikasa on the whiteboard with a flourish. “You get this, Mikasa?”

Mikasa had moved to sit at the desk next to Sasha, and was hunched above her own mess of makeup work, bangs hanging low over her eyes. Sasha had assumed the desk move was to allow her to see the board better. Nothing else. It’s not like Sasha would be looking forward to detention from now on because she could count Mikasa’s eyelashes without trying. Any time she wanted. Absolutely not.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “Wait, so, when you calculate an object’s kinetic energy, since the velocity is squared, that means you have to square the number and then _separately_ square the units?”

“Correct. And keep in mind that the final units for kinetic energy will always be joules. If the problem asks for the mass or velocity, the final units are kilograms or meters per second.”

“My head is spinning,” Sasha complained. “I think the marker fumes are getting to me.” 

Mikasa flicked Sasha’s arm. “Lazy. At least copy that down. You’re nearly four chapters behind everyone else. I’m only two. I did extra yesterday.”

“Still not something to be proud of,” Ms. Hange said, capping her marker and flipping it in the air. “How did you two even fall this behind?”

Mikasa made a face and gave her the finger. 

“I’m definitely too nice to both of you.”

“How long did Principal Eyebrows give you detention for?” Sasha asked Mikasa, standing up and yawning. 

“Same as you, I thought. Two weeks? Not enough for your hothead dumbass self, I’d say.” She smiled sweetly at an outraged Sasha. 

“You suck.”

“Back at you.”

“Bitch. I should never let you cheat off me again.”

“What’s that?” Hange asked, putting an abrupt end to the petty exchange. “Listen, your little fights and pet names are cute, but I draw the line at cheating. Especially on _my_ tests.”

“No worries,” Sasha told her, shouldering her bag. “Mikasa’s too dense to understand the concept.”

 _“Honestly,”_ Mikasa said. “You think _you’re_ smart? And where are you going?”

“Library,” Sasha tried, and earned two judgemental stares. “Okay, I don’t know. I was hoping to stop at the pharmacy to get some energy drinks.”

“What for?” Ms. Hange questioned, double checking her test notices. “Not for my class, right?”

“Nah, english. I put off reading this fucking book. I need to get it done tonight for the written test tomorrow.” Sasha scrolled through her phone’s camera roll. “We’ve got a study guide and stuff. I might’ve lost it…”

Ms. Hange slid over her desk to stand in front of them. “Good luck. Mikasa, didn’t you say you had an english exam as well?”

“No.”

“Oh. I thought you two shared another class? Was it not english?”

“Fuck! We do, I totally forgot…”

Ms. Hange shook her head and stacked up Mikasa’s work for her. “If you leave now, you could get your stuff and meet with Braus for the rest of the day. It’ll go faster if you help each other.”

Sasha tried to mask her incredulous expression. Did the teacher she used to crush on just set her up with Mikasa? Maybe Ms. Hange could be her secret wingman.

“Shit.” Mikasa dropped her folders into her bag. “I guess. Wouldn’t want to get my hopes up, though. With Sasha being so fickle and all.”

“Literally _what_ can I do for you to make you stop talking about how unstable I am?”

“Give me your kidneys.”

“This escalated quickly,” Ms. Hange said. 

* * *

Sasha didn’t know what drinks Mikasa liked, so she bought a wide variety and prayed that there would be no shaming over her choices. She also bought a pack of mentos, sticking it in her back pocket and shutting down any PG-13 thoughts it awoke in the back of her mind. A few hours of agonizingly long book chapters and themes that had mildly sexist undertones. What could be more romantic?

Mikasa was waiting outside her house when Sasha arrived, chewing on her third mento. 

“I love reading,” Sasha said instead of greeting her, leading them up to her front door. “However, that mostly applies to fanfiction and gay novels. Not assigned shit.”

Mikasa nodded in a mockingly serious way as they entered the house. “You have such a way with words.”

“Oh, Sasha!” Her mom was somewhere in another room; Sasha couldn’t quite tell which one. “Connie called. Something about him wanting to know about the girl--”

“Thanks, Mom, that’s splendid!” Sasha yelled, scrambling to find the source of her mom’s voice, an amused Mikasa trailing after her. “Where the hell are you?”

“Your room!”

 _“My_ room?” Sasha appeared in the doorway to her uncharacteristically neat room, watching her mom rummaging around below her desk. “Shit, did I do this in my sleep and I forgot?”

The floor was completely free of trash, the deep blue rug next to her bed looking quite clean. The curtains were pushed open, much to Sasha’s dislike, and it seemed as if her bed sheets had been changed.

“I had some extra time,” her mom said. “Wanted to do something for my favorite child.”

“Only child.”

Her mom stood up and admired the phone chargers she’d untangled. “I know it’s been hard for you lately--”

She stopped, finally laying her eyes on Mikasa. 

“Oh...hi.”

“Mom,” Sasha said. “This is Mikasa. Mikasa, this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sasha’s mom said smugly. “You can call me Margaret.”

“Uh, nice to meet you, too,” Mikasa replied. “Margaret.”

Sasha tapped her fingers on her backpack strap when her mom smiled at them for too long. “Okay. Mikasa, you can get set up with your work. I’m gonna go yell at my mom. Talk to my mom. One minute.”

Sasha glared at her mom all the way to the kitchen. “Don’t be fucking weird!”

Her mom shrugged. “Sorry, sorry. She’s so pretty! I can see why you like her.”

“I know.” 

They both stared at the counter for a moment. 

“No!” her mom exclaimed. “Now you’re being weird!” 

Sasha cursed. “Shut up. I mean, thank you. For tidying up my room. I appreciate it.”

“Of course,” her mom said, squeezing her hand. “I know this week was hard. On the contrary, it appears to be looking up now…”

“Mom!” Sasha huffed and retreated back to her room, closing the door behind her. “Jeez.”

Mikasa looked up from her spot on the floor. “Was something wrong?”

“Nah. She’d heard about you before, so…”

She raised her eyebrows. “All sexy things, right?”

“No. I told her that you ran me over with a bus and spat on me.”

“Oh, actually, that was Millie Bobby Brown.”

They both smiled and Sasha forced herself to stop looking at the other girl.

“So, this book,” Sasha sat down across from Mikasa and picked up _1984._ “It’s basically about people who defy the government by having sex, yes?”

“That seems to be the overall message. Must we say more?”

“It’s the society that Apple's Macintosh wanted there to be by 2010. Lone protagonist dude meets lone protagonist woman in a utopia world and they fuck and because they fucked they’re saying _‘Down with the Party!’”_

“You know, I hate the government,” Mikasa said, flicking her gaze up to meet Sasha’s for half a second. “Maybe we should rebel.”

Sasha’s mouth went dry. Mikasa just continued thumbing through her books pages. She was so cocky yet so _secretive._ It was driving Sasha up a wall.

“I mean, well, okay, that’s definitely a sentence that you said,” she managed, composing herself as she pretended to skim the study guide. She should ban Mikasa from saying those types of comments in her room, maybe that would shut her up. The other girl leaned over the space between them to look at the paper Sasha was holding, intoxicating her with that citrusy perfume.

“We don’t actually have to turn anything in for this,” she noted, and reexamined the chunk of the book they needed to read. “Why not wing it?”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “It’s _easy,_ that’s why. All the test questions are covered somewhere in the twenty chapters we skipped. We read it, we pass. We take notes, we pass easily.”

“Nerd.”

“My physics grade refutes that statement.” Sasha jumped up to grab the bag of drinks from her desk. “You want a red bull? Or yerba mate, or monster?

“Hmm.” Mikasa put a finger to her chin while she appeared to begin her reading. “You choose. Also, I think Armin has Ms. Brzenska, too.”

“Oh.” Sasha popped open a yerba mate and handed it to Mikasa. “Wanna invite him?”

“Fuck yes,” Mikasa answered firmly. “He is _smart._ Believe me.”

“Cool,” Sasha replied, doing her best to mask her disappointment. She liked Armin, of course. They’d been semi-close friends since grade school, not necessarily going-to-each-other’s-houses close, but they talked and shared answers in class. Plus, obviously, he wouldn’t let a stranger follow his secret instagram account. Sasha had been looking forward to spending some time alone with Mikasa, however, if Armin could speed up their study process, he was unquestionably more important. “Aw, shit.”

Mikasa looked up. “Hm?”

Sasha fished the can of red bull out of the flimsy bag, setting two other yerba mates and a monster energy drink on her desk. “The red bull is busted.” She held up the can, looking at the huge dent at the top. 

“Have one of the other ones,” Mikasa said, typing on her phone. “Armin was actually on his way home, so he’ll be, like, two minutes. Hey, Sasha, _no.”_

Sasha had gone tense and was trying to pop open the drink. 

“Idiot, you’ll get it on everything!” Mikasa exclaimed with a threatening stare.

“Fine,” Sasha put it on her desk and went back to reading. “No, I can’t, I really want a red bull.”

She grabbed it and dashed into the hallway, holding out the can before popping it open. “Shit, shit, shit…” She caught the overflowing drink in her mouth, but accidentally soaked the front of her shirt. 

Mikasa crossed her arms. Sasha grinned confidently, slurping until nothing was dripping from her hand.

“Worth it.”

“I hate you. How is it _not_ on the floor?”

“My mouth works fast.”

Now it was Mikasa’s turn to go red. She fumbled for an arrogant response before Sasha came to her rescue. 

“Fuck, I’m stuck,” she grumbled, her wet shirt halfway up her torso. Mikasa was overjoyed, and quickly captured the moment with her phone’s camera.

“Oh, this is wonderful. You're a fucking dumbass,” she said, sporting a wicked grin. Sasha saw her gaze linger on the exposed part of her stomach. 

“Yo, my eyes are up here. I can _see_ you.”

“Shut up. I don’t have to help you.” Mikasa approached her anyway, gently tugging her shirt over her arms. 

Sasha yanked it over her head and straightened up, finding Mikasa only a couple inches from her face. The other girl stepped back quickly, and Sasha smiled at her. “Thanks.” 

“Whatever.”

Someone knocked on the front door. 

“It’s open!” Sasha yelled, and bent down to grab the can on the floor at the same time as Mikasa, their hands almost brushing. 

“Sorry,” Mikasa recoiled immediately.

Sasha sipped her drink slyly. “Why so jumpy?”

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” Armin hesitantly walked toward them, an incredulous expression on his face.

Sasha realized she was standing in the hallway wearing shorts and a somewhat damp bra, in very close proximity to Mikasa, who held her shirt. They both flushed and Sasha shoved Mikasa into her bedroom.

“No, no,” she told Armin. “I spilled red bull on my shirt, that’s all.”

Armin raised his eyebrows. “Sure. Right.”

“You little bitch,” Mikasa added, facing the opposite way when Sasha entered the room again, pulling on a new shirt and sweatshirt from the laundry basket outside her door. “Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m simply using my eyes,” Armin said. “And spot-on intuition.”

Sasha ignored him and offered him her desk as a seating area, admiring his snazzy outfit: a light periwinkle crew neck and dark baggy jeans, a very blue color scheme that matched his eyes. His blonde hair was a bit ruffled; Sasha wasn’t sure if it was from the wind or maybe his boyfriend’s hands.

“Have fun with Eren this afternoon?” Mikasa sneered, and Armin barely reacted.

“Have fun stripping Sasha?” 

Her face darkened and Armin stuck his chin out at her.

Sasha interrupted their bickering before it turned into a brawl. “Yo, what the fuck should we study first?”

Armin spun away from Mikasa in Sasha’s desk chair. “Let’s see. There’s twenty multiple choice questions and ten written questions. I read the CliffNotes online for the book and took notes for the themes, since the written questions will be on the themes. So, I suggest you do what I did.”

“Got it.” 

Mikasa seemed to get over her grudge against Armin after a few seconds and he was soon helping her write out the themes of the book. Sasha connected her phone to her speaker and shuffled the playlist she and Connie had made Friday night, then stretched out on her stomach, reading the CliffNote summaries from the link Armin sent them.

When an hour passed, Sasha’s room was nearly completely dark, and she had clicked on the string lights that wove around her ceiling.

“Dude, it’s been quiet for so long,” Sasha said, and Armin pushed a hand through his hair, checking the clock on the wall.

“And it should have stayed that way,” Mikasa grumbled.

“As if you care,” Armin said. “C’mere, look at this tiktok, she is so your style.”

Mikasa groaned and slid over to Armin, his phone screen making their faces glow.

“Ooh. I like it. Send it to me. We can raid your mom’s closet later and copy that cardigan look.”

Armin made a face at her. “Please, you have enough junk in your closet. It keeps overflowing into your actual space”

“Sorry I can’t be all gay and perfectionist-y like you.”

“I didn’t say _that._ Maybe do your laundry once in a while. Instead of bribing my mom to do it.”

“I’m sorry,” Sasha said. “I think I missed a factor here. You’re making it seem like you live together.”

Mikasa and Armin stared at her like she was the epitome of a dumbass. And she knew she wasn’t. That was Jean.

“Yes?” Mikasa raised her eyebrows. “How did you not know this? I’ve lived with his family for six years, since my parents died in a plane crash. They’re my legal guardians.”

“What. The _fuck.”_

“Goodbye. You seriously did not know this?” 

Sasha scrambled to sit next to Mikasa. “Six years? So you were, what, eleven? Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Mikasa gave her a weak smile. “It’s fine. It was a while ago. Besides, my mind chooses to make traumatic events very fuzzy. I don’t remember much.” She allowed Sasha to squeeze her hand. Sasha wondered if her words meant she was blocking out what happened several nights ago.

“It was sudden when she moved in. I remember for a while she could only sleep in my bed. We used to point out animals we could make from the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.” Armin’s eyes glinted. “Your favorite was the frog. You named it… what did you name it…?”

“I swear if you named it Bob,” Sasha muttered, washed up with slight sadness from the story of baby Mikasa being scared to sleep alone. 

“It wasn’t. I was already too smart,” Mikasa replied, her fingers still laced with Sasha’s out of Armin’s sight. 

Armin gestured excitedly. “Kenny! You named it Kenny. What a funny little guy.”

“Kenny sounds like a fuckboy name,” Sasha said.

“Yes, I’m sure eleven-year-old Mikasa was thinking exactly that when she decided on that name,” Armin replied sarcastically. “No, all that mattered was that it helped her cope with some shit. You know. Kids need that. Some kids make monsters out of trauma because there’s no other way they can think to deal with it.”

Mikasa nodded. “The issue with me was that I understood it all too well. To the point where I assumed there was nothing good left in the world. Armin’s family…” She trailed off.

Sasha thought nothing of it, but when she saw Armin’s shocked expression, she realized what might be happening, and it was confirmed when she felt Mikasa’s hand squeeze tighter around hers.

“Um, I’m gonna use the restroom,” Armin said hurriedly. “Where is it?”

“Continue straight down the hall, past the cupboard under the attic stairs.”

Mikasa had gone quiet, leaning into Sasha’s shoulder.

“Hey.” Sasha held her gaze ahead, staying as still as she could. “You feel okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Mikasa lifted her head off Sasha’s shoulder. “I don’t know. I don’t want to cry. So maybe I don’t want to talk.”

“Against crying?”

“Nah. I hate being vulnerable, that’s all.”

Sasha laughed softly. “Oh, I get that. The only person I cry in front of is Connie. Pretty recently, in fact. I cried for about two hours straight. That’s what four months of bottling yourself up does for your mental health.”

“Really,” Mikasa mused, and when Sasha finally glanced at her, she noticed her dark eyes shining. 

“You’re safe with me.”

“I know that, idiot.”

“You’re even mean when you’re upset? Impressive.” 

Mikasa ran both her hands through messy black hair. “Armin’s family saved my life. No kidding. An eleven year old moves homes, enrolls in school rather than homeschool, loses her only family, and later resorts to watching the news instead of any other normal show because I knew my parents’ names had been on there once or twice. I knew every single negative thing and event in the world before I knew how to do long division. And I knew that what I was feeling was in no way normal for a kid.” She picked up _1984,_ fidgeting with the pages.

“They made you feel worthy. Worthy of being alive. Which you are, in every way.”

“Yes.”

They stayed there, Sasha with her legs pulled to her chest and Mikasa sitting cross-legged, ruffling the book’s pages.

“I don’t feel like that anymore,” she finished. “I found people I cared about again.”

Sasha nudged her arm. “I’m beyond glad that you did. How could I repay Armin for this? Any ideas?”

“Get him a calendar with just pictures of shirtless Eren,” Mikasa replied instantly, and when Armin returned, opening the room’s door and shedding some light on her face, Sasha noticed her damp eyelashes.

Oh, how Sasha wanted to play the male savior complex card and solve all of Mikasa’s problems by kissing her. Extremely selfish, yes, in every way. And Sasha realized this could be the reason why both of them hating being vulnerable-- it made others pity them. Mikasa definitely had zero interest in Sasha’s pity. She didn’t need her sympathy. She needed a fucking break.

Sasha mentally took a deep breath and composed herself. _Channel your inner straight girl. Oh my god, men, so hot. I love Riverdale. I love to fetishize gay men. Let’s tell the lesbians that they’re not allowed to look at us in changing rooms._ Sasha scowled at her hands. Straight girls were a different breed.

“Sasha, your mom asked me if you wanted her to make dinner,” Armin told her, dodging Mikasa’s kicks as he spun around on the desk chair. “The choices are: pasta, frozen healthy food stuff, ramen, or Magnum ice cream bars. Honestly can’t believe the last one is an option, yet here we are.”

Mikasa lay down on the rug and closed her eyes. “I vote for ice cream bars.”

“I vote for frozen healthy food stuff,” Armin countered.

“I veto that request,” Mikasa said.

“You can’t do that, you’re another voter!”

“I do what I want. Go cry.”

Sasha piled up her and Mikasa’s work and pushed it near the doorway. “I vote for none of those things. Why don’t we go out and bring something back for my mom? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”

“Sure.” Mikasa sat up on her elbows and chewed her lip. “If we see anyone from school, I swear to fucking god.”

“No worries, we have Armin. They’ll be too distracted by his beauty.”

“I like to think people notice my personality first,” Armin said, pretending to be offended. “But I’ll take it. Mind if I ask Eren to tag along?”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. “Why? Didn’t fuck him enough already?”

“Where did I go wrong raising you? Good grief.”

“Bitch, I raised _you.”_

Sasha dragged Mikasa to her feet and the three of them migrated to the kitchen. Her mom sat at the table, hair tied up loosely, glasses on her head, rifling through student worksheets. 

“Mom. We’re gonna eat out. What do you want?”

“I’ve been craving a burrito. Is that weird? Maybe I’m pregnant.” 

Sasha laughed nervously, coaxing her friends out the front door. “You’ve been single for, like, a year. I don’t think so.”

“You don’t know what I do when you go to your big parties.”

“What, you make yourself a nice bowl of curry and rice? Then you watch a crappy soap opera, and at around ten, you get drowsy, but you don’t want to admit it, so you stay awake and eventually fall asleep on the couch by eleven. When I come home you’re snoring like Jean when he eats too many melatonin gummies.”

Her mom eyed Sasha suspiciously. “Are you my child or a psychic?” She scanned the walls. “Do we have cameras installed?”

Sasha leaned down and hugged her mom. “I’ll pick you up some dinner. See you in a while.”

* * *

Sasha could see her breath when they walked along empty streets to the main part of town. Fog hung over their heads under glaring streetlights. Mikasa’s boots clunked each step, now a familiar sound to Sasha’s ears.

“It’s a Tuesday night,” Armin observed. “Everything should be open. There was this new taco place by--”

“Done,” Mikasa said.

“I love tacos,” Sasha added, and Mikasa yanked her up on the sidewalk as cars roared by.

“Cool. I’ll let Eren know we’ll be there.” Armin walked ahead of them, staying close to the storefronts to let people pass, his voice distant as he phoned his boyfriend and told him their whereabouts. 

“They’re so in love,” Mikasa said, and shivered in her thin long-sleeve shirt. “It’s almost gross.”

“It’s cute,” Sasha argued. She looked at Mikasa rubbing her arms. “Are you cold? Here, take this.”

Sasha quickly pulled off her hoodie and offered it to her. Mikasa hesitantly accepted it and tugged it over her head. 

“Thanks. Are all your sweatshirts black? I swear this is all you wear.”

Sasha flushed. “Well, I… I grabbed this one earlier because it matched your outfit.”

Mikasa shoved her hands in the pocket and kept her gaze on the restaurant ahead, where Armin already stood out front. “Oh.”

“You can keep it if you’d like.”

Mikasa’s face softened for a moment. “Hm. Maybe I will.”

“Yoooo!” Eren came sprinting across the street, his flannel flying up to his head. He attacked Armin with a hug from behind and propped his chin up on his shoulder. “What’s with the sudden dinner plan? Did Braus threaten to beat you guys up?”

“Ha ha. Funny,” Sasha said, holding the building’s door open for Mikasa, following the boys to a corner table. 

“Don’t be an asshole, Eren,” Mikasa said flatly, sliding into the booth across from him and Armin.

 _“Me?”_ he asked incredulously, and Sasha couldn’t help but be equally confused. Eren was probably one of the nicest guys she knew. Besides Marco from english class.

“Yeah, him?” Armin laughed. “If anyone’s an asshole it’s you.”

“Know-it-all,” Mikasa muttered, and held her menu up for Sasha to look. 

Sasha could feel the warmth of Mikasa’s leg against her own and resisted the urge to press all the way against her, to loop her arm through hers and let her lean her head on her shoulder like she had done a half hour ago. No, they weren’t even together yet, despite what Sasha wanted to believe after all of the subtle signs they’d been giving each other. Still, her chest fluttered when she felt Mikasa’s breath on her cheek when she pointed out a special on the menu.

Sasha’s mess of gay panic was smothered when the four ordered what they wanted and handed their menus to the young waiter. While Armin fucking fed Eren chips and salsa, Mikasa mimicked herself throwing up.

“They need to get a room,” she grumbled. “I was warned against going home today because Armin’s parents are out of town.”

Sasha froze while sipping her drink. _Oh really?_

Mikasa tipped her head back in regret. “I broke our number one rule and ducked in my room to grab my books and shit.” Sasha gave her a sympathetic smile. 

“You’re never gonna forget those sounds, are you?”

“Hell no.” They both cast curious gazes at the boys across from them while the waiter set their orders on the table. “Look at them. All innocent.”

“They’ll be illegal soon,” Sasha said.

“What?”

“Eren will turn eighteen next month.”

“Oh. Technically, yes, illegal. I don’t think Armin cares though.”

Eren tossed a chip at Sasha’s head. “Do you really believe we can’t hear you? We’re sitting a foot across from you.”

“It’s not that we don’t care,” Sasha said. “Okay. Yeah. We don’t care.”

“As if you two aren’t as bad as us,” Armin responded breezily. Sasha couldn’t answer; she’d taken a huge bite of the tacos she ordered. Mikasa only continued picking at a pack of hot sauce.

Eren exchanged a secret glance with his boyfriend. “No hurtful comeback, Mikasa? What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing. Carry on with your bullshit.”

She did not go easy on Eren, Sasha knew now for sure, so it was strange to see her not trying to tear him to pieces. Armin warily directed the conversation away from Mikasa, and they enjoyed a violence-free dinner (also free dinner in general; the waiter paid for them after Sasha pretended to flirt with him for a full two minutes). 

“How did you do that?” Armin asked Sasha when the waiter brought her a takeout bag to bring home for her mom.

“You have to put on your straight girl voice and touch your hair and face a lot. Include many unnecessary emphasized words.” She turned to Mikasa. “For example. _Oh_ my god, Mikasa, _where_ did you get that shirt? It’s, like, _totally_ my style. Chad told me he doesn’t like it when I wear baggy clothes because he wants to see my ass at _all_ times, but, like, I _totally_ want to get that, you know? You _know?”_

Eren laughed. Armin looked disgusted. Mikasa stared at Sasha’s hands as they twirled her hair.

“That was so awful,” she said. “Impressive, but awful. Why would you willingly do that?” 

Sasha shrugged. “It’s helped me before.”

“Incredible.” Eren shook his head in wonder. “We’re graced with your presence.”

Mikasa stood up. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll meet you guys out front.”

Sasha and the guys congregated outside the restaurant. She leaned against the brick wall, a little chilled since she lacked her hoodie, and fished the mentos out of her back pocket. Connie had suggested she should become accustomed to eating hard candies and such to curb her urge to smoke or steal some kid’s vape. The mints reminded her of a time when she and Jean had snuck McDonald’s shamrock shakes into P.E. a year before. Good times. They also reminded her of how Mikasa’s mouth had felt against hers. More good times, though Sasha was unsure if they would ever do that again.

“Did you guys argue with Mikasa or something?” Eren asked, eyebrows furrowed. “She’s acting totally weird.”

Armin laughed. “She’s not acting weird. She’s _nice_ today. You’re not used to it.” 

Sasha frowned. “Isn’t she always like this?”

That earned two incredulous stares.

“Are you for real?” Eren asked, then turned excitedly to Armin. “Oh my god. Oh my god!”

“I know.”

“Oh my god!”

“You won’t believe what I walked in on--”

Sasha cleared her throat quickly and kicked Eren’s shin. “What are you ‘oh my god’-ing about over there, huh?”

“Oh, you don’t understand,” he said. “Mikasa doesn’t do friends. She doesn’t do _nice._ Oh my god, Armin, she was trying to be nice tonight because--”

“Let’s let her do this herself, okay?” Armin interrupted, taking Eren’s hand and pulling him away from Sasha. “Don’t harass poor Sasha.”

“I love you!” Eren shouted as Armin dragged him down the street. “You’re my savior! I love you I love you I love you! She was nice today. She was nice today!”

Armin pinched his boyfriends ear. “Kind of. Calm down.” 

Sasha watched them go with an amused smile. She hoped she was thinking of the same reason they were. The door to the restaurant swung open and Mikasa reappeared at her side, Sasha’s mom’s dinner in her hand.

“You forgot this,” she said, and handed her the bag. 

“Ah, shit. Thanks.” 

“Did they leave?”

“Yeah, they’re up ahead.” Sasha could see Armin’s blonde head a few storefronts down. 

“Oh.”

They walked in comfortable silence for several moments, enjoying each other’s company. Sasha’s face heated up when she realized Mikasa would probably never willingly spend time like this with anyone else, at least judging from Eren’s reaction to her behavior earlier.

“Fuck, the english test…” Mikasa’s exasperated tone cut through the silence. Her nose looked pink in this light, Sasha noticed, and she wondered if it was from the cold.

“You’ll be fine. Worst comes to worst, I’ll cause a distraction by flipping my desk, and you run out.”

“You’re so creative. What about you, hm? You’ll get even more detention. I can’t keep confessing to your god-awful graffiti.” 

“Okay, that Jaeger piece was a work of _art._ How dare you.”

“He had fucking saltine crackers for teeth!”

_“And? Work of art!”_

“You need to fix your eyes. You can’t tell when things are exquisite, because that shit is definitely _not.”_

“Oh, I think I can tell.”

“Really.”

“Yes.” Sasha let her unwavering gaze fall on Mikasa. “I can.”

Mikasa looked away. “Please. Corny.”

Sasha examined her carefully. “It’s only fifty degrees. Why is your face so red?”

Mikasa punched her shoulder. “Shut up. Let’s talk about your heart rate when my fucking thigh touches yours! What’s that about, you perv?”

“What?” Sasha protested. “How the hell can you tell what my heart rate was?”

Mikasa went silent for a moment as they rounded the corner to Sasha’s street, seeing Armin and Eren already waiting at her house. “Okay, I lied. You were acting weird as shit, though, you can’t deny that.” 

“Mikasa!” Armin yelled, waving his schoolwork. “I grabbed my stuff. I’ll meet you back home, okay?”

Mikasa gave him a thumbs up, and shot Sasha a confused look when Eren mouthed ‘I love you’ and drew a heart in the air. “What is he on?”

“Steroids. Did you _see_ his neck muscles? Do neck muscles even exist?” Sasha felt around her neck. “Shit, I don’t even know.”

Mikasa laughed. “You’re an idiot. Yes, they exist. Do you mind?”

They stopped in front of Sasha’s house and Mikasa held out her hands.

“Oh. No. What are you...?”

Mikasa pressed two cold fingers to the side of Sasha’s neck. “This place right here is your levator scapulae.” She traced her hand down to her shoulder area. “That’s your trapezius.” Her fingers ghosted Sasha’s tingling skin as she moved them to press against a spot closer to her jaw. “And this is the SCM muscle.”

Sasha tried to form a sentence in her head. Mikasa chewed the inside of her lip, entertained by how flustered she was. 

“I… how do you know this stuff?”

“I studied anatomy for AP drawing last year. It kinda stuck with me.” Her freezing fingertips were still under Sasha’s jaw. Sasha reached up and gently removed it, warming Mikasa’s cold hand with her own.

“That’s so dope. I did art history instead of that class.” Sasha got lost in the dark eyes studying her face until she suddenly pulled away. “I forgot, I need to grab your stuff! Stay right there.”

Sasha quickly gathered Mikasa’s books and folders, dashing back outside, hoping she hadn’t been ditched. Thankfully, she was still waiting in Sasha’s huge hoodie, swinging the oversized sleeves around until she saw her watching.

“Here,” Sasha said breathlessly, pushing the books to Mikasa’s chest. “Thanks for studying today. And having dinner.”

“Of course. Thank you. Maybe I won’t fail this exam.” She gestured to her notes. “Thanks to Armin, though. You mostly just drank tea and doodled pictures of Ms. Hange. Here I thought you were over her…” 

“I mean,” Sasha said slowly. “Listen, I wouldn’t say _no…_ any sane person would be down…” 

She stopped fantasizing about her teacher when Mikasa stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her waist. 

“Hey,” Sasha said softly, surprised, returning the hug just as fiercely, leaning her head against the one buried in the crook of her neck. She never thought Mikasa would enforce such a physically intimate situation. 

It was the action that sent Sasha spiraling off a cliff to the cruel realization that this ‘crush’ she had may be more foreboding than she expected.

“See you tomorrow,” Mikasa said, pulling away, a small smile on her lips. She dropped Sasha’s hand and started back home.

“See you.” Sasha brought her hands to her mouth and jumped around a little as Mikasa disappeared from earshot. “Oh my god.”

It was dark, of course, and she smacked her elbow into the fence in her excitement, sending her into a frenzy of pain. When she finally went inside, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it, she realized something different about her shirt.

She hooked her finger on the collar and took a deep breath. It smelled like citrus and vanilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this had little to no conflict and I don't know if that's a good thing (does this mean next chapter needs to hurt? oh no)  
> anyway, in this little universe Kenny is stars on the ceiling that look like a frog and that brings me joy


	5. Gremlin man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean is an excellent barista, what a good husband he'll be...(Marco volunteers. Marco volunteers as tribute).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, this is the last of the stuff i've written ahead of time, these fast updates may not stay consistent.

“In five days this month is over, and you’ll have to give me back my shorts.” Connie was sprawled out on the floor of Jean’s room, eyes glued to the video game he was playing.

Sasha bit down hard on the lollipop she was finishing and looked down at her favorite shorts. “Oh man. Why?”

“I need them.”

“For what?”

Connie scrunched his face up. “Ah, fuck, I don’t know. I just like ’em.”

Sasha resumed scrolling on her phone. She’d been hanging out with Connie and Connie only for the past several days, so she was happy to hang out with Jean when he had asked on Friday. Now, on this muggy Sunday morning, Jean was in his kitchen preparing his famous iced coffee for Sasha to rate. 

“How much caramel do you think he’s gonna put in this drink?” Connie asked. “I feel like he’s the kind of guy to put in half a cup of sweetener and cream and two ounces of coffee.”

“Nah. He gives me black coffee vibes.”

Connie paused his game and tilted his head to look at Sasha backwards. “Speaking of black coffee vibes…”

Sasha frowned at him from over her phone.

“Come on! I’m allowed to ask! You said there was some hugging action, no? I waited three days to bring it up.”

Sasha shifted her focus back to her screen. “Yeah. She has my sweatshirt and stuff. Armin and Eren seemed to think her behavior was life-changing. I didn’t think so, but…”

“You think maybe it’s when she’s around you?”

She couldn’t hide her smile. “Maybe.”

Connie jumped to his feet as she tossed her lollipop stick into the waste bin. “Dude! You’re totally falling for her!”

“I  _ agree.”  _ Jean pranced into the room with two glasses of coffee, almost dumping one down Connie’s shirt. “Dude, I saw them in detention the other day. The way Mikasa looks at her--”

“Okay,  _ okay,  _ if you want to gossip about me, start your own club. Don’t do it while I’m in the room.”

Connie “Fine. Jean, tell her to give me my shorts back.”

“Sasha, give him his shorts back.”

“No.”

Jean handed Connie a glass with a nod. “I tried.”

Sasha sipped at the coffee and leaned on Jean’s shoulder when he sat down on his bed next to her. “Yo, this is actually good.”

“Thanks. I started experimenting with recipes and stuff over winter break. It was calming and shit. And I got an actual espresso machine after I saved up my paychecks from the cafe!” He scooted forward a bit as Sasha began to braid his hair. “I need to work more days so I can become shift leader.”

“Yes,” Connie said. “Then you can give us free pastries.”

“No!” Jean responded. “That is not how that works! Nice try.”

“Find a new girl to obsess over yet? Because I bet you’ll give  _ her  _ free pastries.”

Jean shook his head and Sasha almost messed up the braiding pattern. “No. I think I’m over that for now. I want to focus on work, because if I get good credits at this place, I can find a better one in college.”

“Okay, Mr. Mature,” Sasha said. “I see you.”

“Remember us when you run a bakery,” Connie added, now on his stomach, sipping his drink with a straw as he continued his game. 

“I will, I promise. Hey, Sash, didn’t you get dinner with Mikasa?”

_ Shit.  _ Now Sasha did mess up the pattern. 

“Yes,” she responded, shakily undoing his hair. “I don’t really know what to do now. I saw her every day in detention, but I’m kinda freaked out to text her.”

“Why? You said she hugged you and wore your hoodie for two days. Meanwhile, she threatens to kill anyone else who comes within a three foot radius of her.” 

Sasha sighed, starting on the second side of his head. “I know. I know we have  _ something.  _ I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to move too fast. This whole thing started because she kissed me, and sometimes I feel like that was the extent of it.”

“Don’t think that way,” Connie reminded her from the floor. “You can’t always assume you’re not good enough. You’re worthy of love, Sash.”

She paused her hand movements. Was she? Mikasa was so deserving of happiness at this point in her life. Sasha wasn’t convinced that she was good enough to provide what she needed.

“I’m only worried. I know she isn’t exactly close with anyone besides Armin, and I don’t want to fuck up this opportunity to become someone so important.”

Jean fiddled with the braid she’d finished. “What about Eren? Or Armin’s parents?”

“Pretty close. Not as much as Armin. They take her remarks, but Armin can dish it out, too. I think he’s used to her bickering.”

“I see,” Jean delicately touched the area Sasha was braiding. “Did you finish?”

“Yes. Done.” She handed him her phone and he examined her work with the front camera. 

“Nice!” He snapped a picture with Sasha hugging him from behind. “You always do the best hairstyles.”

“Except when it comes to hers,” Connie added, and Sasha threatened to unplug the television.

Only two hours later, when she hugged her friends goodbye and headed home, did she receive an update on the next time she would see Mikasa. And as it turned out, it was sooner than she thought.

* * *

“What do you  _ mean  _ you can’t find her?” Sasha was pacing in Armin’s spacious room, paying no attention to how the boy was attempting to calm her down.

“This happens sometimes,” he said. “Honest. I wouldn’t worry. I felt I had to tell you, though.”

“Wouldn’t  _ worry?”  _ she exclaimed, stopping to face him. “You don’t know where she is!”

“I don’t know where she is exactly. I do, however, have a feeling I know what made her run off like this. Or rather,  _ who.” _ Armin pulled up his text strand with Mikasa. 

She had sent him a screenshot of an email at six in the morning. Sasha bent down and squinted at the sender’s address.

“Who the fuck is Levi? Why does he share her last name?” 

Everything was happening too fast. It felt like walls were closing around Sasha, sucking her breath away and somehow manipulating her mind to blame herself for the circumstances.

There was this so-called Levi Ackerman, Mikasa’s distant relative, and, according to Armin, her  _ only  _ relative.

“Mikasa grew up concealing her real emotions with a personality that she specifically created to keep all people at an arm’s length. She knows what it’s like to be helpless, and she didn’t like it one bit. In a way, she’s concealing that part of herself from others to protect them. It’s why she hides herself away when shit like this happens and unearths all her old trauma.” Armin frowned when his call to Mikasa was declined, then redialed. “Levi knew her when she was little. He was her mother’s nephew, making him her cousin or something. It’s all pretty kicked under the rug when it comes to her family ties.”

“How old is he?”

“Late twenties.”

Sasha relaxed for a moment, biting her thumbnail as she waited for Armin’s call to go through. “What’s the big deal then? If he’s family…what upsets her so much?”

Armin’s call was declined again and he squeezed his phone until his knuckles were white. “You don’t understand. Him reaching out to her again. It’s never good. He did this three years ago.”

“What happened?” Sasha was pacing again. The thought of Mikasa spending the day with some weird cousin had pushed her anxiety through the roof.

“We don’t even know. She disappeared for a day. We found her sitting outside her old house.”

“Let’s go get her.”

Armin stopped typing. “What?”

“Let’s fucking get in your car and figure out where the hell she is.”

Armin jumped when Sasha located his keys and chucked them at his chest. “She won’t answer me, how can we--”

“Let’s go.”

“I…okay.”

They sat in his car for several minutes, Sasha impatiently waiting for an answer as she listened to her phone dial through Mikasa's number. 

“I don’t see why she would answer you and not me,” Armin began, and Sasha shushed him when she heard someone pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Mikasa’s tired voice sounded through the line. “What is it?”

Sasha scowled at the dashboard. “Where  _ are  _ you? Don’t be all casual!”

She heard Mikasa sigh. “Did Armin get in your head? God, listen, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“Don’t say that,” Sasha replied a little too harshly, and Armin flinched.

“I am.”

“Don’t say that when you know it’s not true,” Sasha said, her voice softer. “What did he say? Where are you?”

“I’m  _ fine,  _ I’m at his house, he only wanted to see me.”

“You’re at his  _ house?  _ I thought you barely know this guy.” Sasha showed Armin the address Mikasa had sent and they were on their way in a matter of seconds.

“He was around some when I was a kid. I have a few memories with him. He…” The line went quiet until she spoke again. “He found some old letters and photo books from my mom.”

Sasha inhaled sharply. “Mikasa.”

Silence.

“I’m coming to you, okay? Don’t leave. Stay there. Please.”

Armin glanced nervously at Sasha, unbeknown to their conversation but still equally concerned.

“You don’t need to come get me,” Mikasa muttered. “I’m--”

“If you say you’re fine _one more time,_ I swear to god,” Sasha interrupted promptly. “Do not _invalidate_ your feelings because you know others have it worse. You still matter. Stay put. We’re coming to pick you up.”

Levi’s house was a dump. It was bigger than Sasha’s home, yet it looked even trashier than her room. It wasn’t dirty or disgusting, no--it was simply in shambles, with overgrown ferns enveloping the front of the house, peeling, rusty paint, and boarded up windows. A sliver of a walkway wound through weeds to a rickety wooden porch that sat under a cobweb-invested roof. A moth-eaten sheet hung from the roof, as if the man had forgotten to take in his laundry or it was his feeble attempt to hide his front door. Sasha wondered if he actually lived there, and maybe Mikasa had given her the wrong address.

Sasha jumped out of Armin’s car before he even parked it, running to the porch where she saw Mikasa sitting with her elbows on her knees, a book dangling from one hand and folded papers in the other. She looked up when Sasha rushed up the walkway.

“Sasha, you didn’t have to…” Mikasa never finished, and instead relaxed into Sasha’s arms when she pulled her into a tight embrace. 

“Don’t disappear like that,” Sasha said into her shoulder. “You had us scared.”

Mikasa didn’t answer. She ducked her head in Sasha’s chest. 

“Where is this dude?” There was no sign of Levi Ackerman.

“He’s inside.” Mikasa lifted her head up and met Sasha’s gaze. “Idiot. Why did you come? You shouldn’t have.”

“Of course I should have. I don’t want you to have to suffer through something alone.” Sasha motioned at the house. “This is what that looks like. This dick cousin pops up out of the blue again and springs a whole fucking trip down memory lane on you? That’s not okay.”

Mikasa opened her mouth to answer, the papers in her hands shaking. 

“I’d say it’s none of your fucking business.” A cold voice cut her off, muffled until it’s source slammed the screen door behind him. 

Sasha gave the man in front of her a once-over and scoffed. She stepped forward until she was directly in front of him, flaunting her height, and earning a venomous glare. 

“Levi, I assume?” she said, and the man made a  _ tsk _ -ing sound.

“And who the hell are you? Another stand-in sibling? Where’s that blonde kid?”

“Sasha Braus.” She ignored the terrified Armin who was cautiously approaching them. 

“Alright. Like I said, this is none of your business. Family matter. Doesn’t concern either of you kids.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Sasha responded breezily. “Anything that threatens the safety of Mikasa will concern me. It’s called caring about other people. And judging by--” She gestured to Levi and his haughty presence. “-- _ this,  _ it doesn’t seem like you’ve got a notion about what that is.”

“You little shit,” Levi spat, though his arms remained folded calmly across his chest. “I’m only doing what I’m supposed to.”

Mikasa stood up and offered Sasha the letter she held. “Levi found some letters from my parents. He invited me to come live with him.”

_ Hold on. Hold on. What?  _

Armin gaped at the two Ackermans and shot Sasha a disbelieving stare. 

“Her mother wrote in that letter that if anything happened to her and her husband, she would want me to take after Mikasa.” Levi curled his lip as he watched Sasha understand the situation. “Regret coming for my throat now? You seem like a pain in the ass.”

Sasha paid no mind to the short gremlin man and desperately searched Mikasa’s face for answers. “Are you going to? Live with him? What does this mean?”

Armin crept to Mikasa’s side. “He sprung this on you way too fast…”

_ “Obviously  _ I’m not going to live with him,” Mikasa spat, jerking her thumb at Levi. “I’m just really fucking emotionally drained, if you couldn’t tell.”

Sasha noticed that her words were more directed at Armin, and he must’ve noticed too, because he shrunk away from her slightly. “Sorry.”

Mikasa pinched the bridge of her nose, facing her cousin. “I’m not  _ living  _ with you. I’m not doing any of this bullshit you want me to do so you can get out a fucking life insurance plan on me or whatever you’re gonna pull.” Levi’s glare hardened. “You expect me to be  _ okay  _ with it whenever you spring your big reunions on me.” She smacked the letters to his chest, her chin trembling. “I’m  _ not.” _

Armin put a restraining arm across Sasha’s chest when she involuntarily tried to bolt forward. “Let her do what she needs to.”

“What, you think you’re all grown up?” Levi jabbed at his cousin’s chest with his pointer finger. “I’m your only family, Mikasa. Your parents wanted you to stay with me.”

“No, they didn’t!” Mikasa exclaimed. “They obviously didn’t! I met you  _ three times.  _ If they wanted you to help raise me, they would have kept you around.”

“Bull _ shit.  _ You’ll have better opportunities with me than whatever you got going on with that fake-ass blonde family.”

“I’m not fucking living with you. This is simply you trying to guilt me for money.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“No. Twenty-eight years ago your  _ parents _ made a mistake.”

Armin stifled a surprised reaction. Sasha continued to glare at the short man threatening her friend. Levi dropped his arm down to his side and reached for the screen door.

“This was a waste of time. Get out of my sight.”

“Sure,” Mikasa snapped, slowly stepping off the porch, grip firm around Sasha’s wrist. “Unlike you, I’ll go  _ home  _ with people I  _ love.”  _ She pointed to Sasha. “Her? She’s not a fucking pain in the ass. She’s nearly the most important person to me. And  _ not  _ a blood relative.”

Levi cursed as he stomped inside his house. “Oh, fuck off, would you? This is why I’m not having kids.”

Armin ran to his car to pull up in front of the driveway, and Mikasa stood still for a moment before Sasha led her to the car, guiding her into the backseat.

“I can’t believe I did that.”

“Believe it,” Armin said. “Toxic cousin  _ removed _ .”

“I can’t  _ believe  _ I did that,” she repeated.

Sasha patted her hand. “I agree with Armin. I think it was for the best. It might seem wreckless right now, however… considering how much damage he did to you mentally, all these years? It’s better to cut him out of your life.”

Mikasa gave her a look that, to a stranger, would seem like an immediate pass of skeptical judgement, but Sasha recognized the faintest amount of warmth in it.

“I’m sorry,” she added. “I definitely overstepped here.”

“Not at all.”

Armin glanced at them in the rearview mirror. “What she means, Sasha, is that if you weren’t there, she would’ve never called him out like that.”

“Oh, shove it, Barbie.”

Sasha got the feeling that Mikasa didn’t want to talk yet. She relaxed against the car  seat and propped her arm up near the headrest. Mikasa shifted closer to her and leaned into her shoulder. Armin turned up the radio and left them in peace.

* * *

It was midday. It was midday, and Sasha felt as if she’d been up for thirty-six hours; she was so comfortable lying on Mikasa’s bed, the other girl curled up next to her, breathing softly, that she could fall asleep right there. It was midday, and Sasha was willing to fall into an endless night looking at the face right below hers.

_ It’s not a crush,  _ her mind taunted.

_ Shut up,  _ she’d say.

How did they end up like this, exactly? How was a relationship so pure and so honest developed from one fateful collision in a school hallway? 

“She hates it when I do that.”

Sasha glanced up at Armin, who lingered by the bed. She brought her hand away from where it had hovered over a stray strand of Mikasa’s hair. 

“What?”

“When she insisted on sleeping in my bed, I would watch her fall asleep.” He bunched up the tiny bit of hair on his head that could fit into a ponytail and looped a tie around it. “Once we got older, I used to stay in here until she drifted off. I worried a lot. She would get angry when I did. Found it creepy.”

“Oh.” Sasha carefully crawled around Mikasa and stepped away from the bed. “I think that’s quite kind of you. It is creepy though, isn’t it? Watching someone sleep.”

Armin nodded with a knowing smile. “Guess you’re an exception. I should’ve known she had a soft spot for you, Sasha. She would always talk the most about the classes you two shared. Since, like, seventh grade. We pretended not to notice that pattern.”

“Really.” Sasha quickly eased a blanket over Mikasa’s sleeping form. “I didn’t think I was such a prominent student in this world.”

Armin shrugged before continuing their hushed conversation. “I’m surprised she hasn’t woken with us talking.” Sasha came back to his side. “Hey, why are you doing this? Why  _ did  _ you do this?”

“What, hunt her down today?”

“More or less.”   


Sasha stared at her feet, hoping Armin wouldn’t notice her heated face. “I dunno. I really value whatever we have. This relationship. It’s unlike any other one I have.”

Armin nudged her arm playfully. “Would you say you love her?”

The word sent a wave of sickening uneasiness through Sasha’s body. Her throat threatened to close up, and so she remained silent until she was certain of an answer.

Connie had once asked her,  _ Do you believe in love at first sight?  _

_ No,  _ Sasha had said confidently.  _ That’s a load of shit. You fall in love over time, gradually realizing how infatuated you are with someone as you spend your days by their side. _

_ Sure,  _ Connie had replied.  _ But, come on, you don’t think you’ll ever see someone and know immediately? You lock eyes, and, bam! You know that person is your other half. It’s like you see the world anew.  _

Now, as Sasha gently closed the door to Mikasa’s room, she turned to Armin and smiled.

Perhaps Connie was right, and perhaps she was right as well. There was no rule saying one could not experience both scenarios.

A scuffle over answers to a physics test. A kiss for Valentine’s day. Secretive acts of intimacy, fleeting glances. Raw emotions and truthful consultations.

“Yes,” Sasha said, and Armin’s eyes grew wider than Jean’s favorite coffee cups. “I would say I love her.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i write connie made me develop feelings for him, what the fuck. this kind of seemed rushed to me? i don't know, but i assure you this is not the last time we see levi. he's too important. let me know if u liked this part! you are amazing if you're reading my shitty notes right here
> 
> mikasa's vocabulary:  
> "im fine" = god help me  
> "youre an idiot" = i love you


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